[Burichan] [Gurochan] [Futaba] [Photon] [Uboachan] - [Home] [RSS Live Feed] [Manage]

Posting mode: Reply
Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
Password (for post and file deletion and editing)

File: 1303018661210.png -(279.4 KiB, 850x680) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
286059 No.391   [Delete]   [Edit

there's never really much here when i open my eyes.

i go outside,i look over the balcony,i see the cars and the street and the people.

but at the same time....i don't see any of it and i get this weird feeling in my stomach when i think about why the cars and street and things go away.

best not to think about it, probably need to go inside.

i'll play a game


this game is boring but i know if i get a high score i can leave my name aaa as my initials and maybe think about a how to better myself playing this game that is not very good but like i said if i can beat then i wont have to stay awake for very much longer because its not like i can leave right because if i leave then they'll see me and i wont know what to do they might even stare and then i'll have to get weird but if i plan out this tired feeling in my eyes then i might be able to think about what im doing about this high score that i cant seem to get [eyes twitch]..................................[shaky voice] i think i need to take a nap.

mob edit: removed the long as fuck line of periods to fix the board

Last edited by moderator 11/04/21(Thu)18:00.

>> No.404   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1303267263746.jpg -(29.1 KiB, 200x200) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

jesus shit, that ellipse stretched my screen so much I got a headache. not cool, bro.

>> No.406   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1303540436908.jpg -(7937 B, 300x168) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

you know me, trying to break shit my 1st day on the job.

Last edited 11/04/22(Fri)23:41.

>> No.407   [Delete]   [Edit]

This needs more exposition and description and less chat-style emotes and dots. Write the character into a piece or roleplay her, but don't do both.

And by that I mean you need to describe her creepiness/nervousness and expand on the paragraph (with punctuation) so it's more readable. This is fine for a first draft, but why not refine it a little? I think you could get inside her head more and write what she thinks of her surroundings and situation.

>> No.409   [Delete]   [Edit]

it made me think HEY IT'S FRED

Delete Post [] Password
Report Post(s) to Staff