there's never really much here when i open my eyes.i go outside,i look over the balcony,i see the cars and the street and the people.but at the same time....i don't see any of it and i get this weird feeling in my stomach when i think about why the cars and street and things go away.best not to think about it, probably need to go inside.i'll play a game...this game is boring but i know if i get a high score i can leave my name aaa as my initials and maybe think about a how to better myself playing this game that is not very good but like i said if i can beat then i wont have to stay awake for very much longer because its not like i can leave right because if i leave then they'll see me and i wont know what to do they might even stare and then i'll have to get weird but if i plan out this tired feeling in my eyes then i might be able to think about what im doing about this high score that i cant seem to get [eyes twitch]..................................[shaky voice] i think i need to take a nap.mob edit: removed the long as fuck line of periods to fix the board Last edited by moderator 11/04/21(Thu)18:00.
there's never really much here when i open my eyes.
i go outside,i look over the balcony,i see the cars and the street and the people.
but at the same time....i don't see any of it and i get this weird feeling in my stomach when i think about why the cars and street and things go away.
best not to think about it, probably need to go inside.
i'll play a game
...
this game is boring but i know if i get a high score i can leave my name aaa as my initials and maybe think about a how to better myself playing this game that is not very good but like i said if i can beat then i wont have to stay awake for very much longer because its not like i can leave right because if i leave then they'll see me and i wont know what to do they might even stare and then i'll have to get weird but if i plan out this tired feeling in my eyes then i might be able to think about what im doing about this high score that i cant seem to get [eyes twitch]..................................[shaky voice] i think i need to take a nap.
mob edit: removed the long as fuck line of periods to fix the board
Last edited by moderator 11/04/21(Thu)18:00.
jesus shit, that ellipse stretched my screen so much I got a headache. not cool, bro.
you know me, trying to break shit my 1st day on the job. Last edited 11/04/22(Fri)23:41.
you know me, trying to break shit my 1st day on the job.
Last edited 11/04/22(Fri)23:41.
This needs more exposition and description and less chat-style emotes and dots. Write the character into a piece or roleplay her, but don't do both.And by that I mean you need to describe her creepiness/nervousness and expand on the paragraph (with punctuation) so it's more readable. This is fine for a first draft, but why not refine it a little? I think you could get inside her head more and write what she thinks of her surroundings and situation.
This needs more exposition and description and less chat-style emotes and dots. Write the character into a piece or roleplay her, but don't do both.
And by that I mean you need to describe her creepiness/nervousness and expand on the paragraph (with punctuation) so it's more readable. This is fine for a first draft, but why not refine it a little? I think you could get inside her head more and write what she thinks of her surroundings and situation.
it made me think HEY IT'S FRED
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