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54405 No.321   [Delete]   [Edit


Chris switched off the PS3-eye in disgust. This time he really meant it. True and HONEST. For three years now, Chris had used the internet as a surrogate for human interaction. Dejected by the manajerks, jerkops, and that witch Mary Lee Walsh, Chris had fled to the electronic refuge of the interwebs to continue his love quest.

Sadly for the manchild, cyberspace had proved just as cruel as real life, with an endless gang of trolls watching his every move. They posed as sweethearts, stole his ORIGINAL characters, and even made him destroy his treasured PSTriple.

"I could strangle that CLYDE CASH", mumbled Chris as he logged out of Youtube for perhaps the last time. In three years of searching for a heartsweet online, he had only 50 pounds, a shattered ego and a baldspot to show for it.

It was hard to know where to start now. Chris had no friends, no social network except his parents and his counsellor, Rocky. Despite talking it up in some of his videos, Ruckersville was a dump full of rednecks, and besides he was already banned from any places of interest in nearby Charlottesville.

Little did Chris know, however, that events were taking place that would soon change his life, forever...

Last edited 10/12/10(Fri)11:32.

>> No.322   [Delete]   [Edit]

Groping around the trashpile that was his room, Chris found a piece of cardboard under a pile of dirty, crapped briefs. Searching further under the neglected, dusty action figure collection he retrieved some extra large crayola markers. Taking his favorite colour, 'Tropical Mauve', Chris scanned his mind's library of plagiarized content and lines for a good opener to his new attraction sign. If he was to finally get that girfriend-free boy to make into a sweetheart from the ground up, it would take all his not-not-inconsiderable creative talent.

Letting out a deep stress sigh, Chris paused in hesitation. He already had a mental wall of text ready to vomit on the attraction sign. But something was wrong.

"Mom told me the attraction sign makes me re--retarded," said Chris-chan to no one.
"But I'm so gosh dang lonesome, how will my future heartsweet to love and trust know if I don't spell it out? Girls-girls are so busy with shopping!" Chris exclaimed.

As he set aside the marker under his Megan shrine, Chris was called on by another primal urge; hunger.

"I'll... make some, some hot pockets before I get to work," Chris said with a stress sigh. Chris climbed over the filthy clothes on his floor and lumbered into the hall of his Branchland Court home. Evading his mom's collection of old 16" records strewn along the hallway floor for the last 3 months, he finally reached the kitchen.

Given that inspiration was a Big Variable and he had been Lacking of it, Chris had not gone shopping that week. Finding the freezer utterly devoid of anything like a hot pocket, Chris let out a sigh. If only Greene County School Board had not conspired to keep him in Ruckersville, this would never have happened.

"Now," mumbled Chris angrily, "I'll have to go to MCDONALDS!!!"

>> No.323   [Delete]   [Edit]

Making his way down to the living room, Chris found his mother sleeping on the floor in a pile of refuse.

"Mom, I need to... to borrow the keys to Son-chu!"
"Where're you goin at this hour honeycakes?" asked Snorlax with a yawn.
"I need some McDonalds cause we're out, out of hotpockets."

Barbara Chandler reached into one of the deep skin folds of her own leviathan gut and pulled out a rusting set of keys.

Keys obtained, Chris waddled on towards the garage, stopping when he tripped over a pile of newspapers from the seventies and hit his head on a collection of light globes they don't make sockets for anymore. Inside the garage, the rusty Ford Escort with "SONICHU" vanity plates smelt like a combination of AXE Phoenix, AXE Click, AXE Tsunami and human piss.

Climbing inside, the Escort groaned under the weight of Chris' swollen manboobs and gut. After five attempts, the car started and Chris was on his way to the promised land of the Golden Arches.

Feeling lonesome and lacking a travelling partner, Chris mentally projected his creation Sonichu into the passenger's seat. Ever since watching Roger Rabbit as a young boy, Chris had come to realize that cartoon characters really do exist in a parallel world. Every character, from Goku to Ash to Bugs Bunny to Kyle and Cartman were real, living people with feelings and personalities. Even the hated Asperchu, a parody cartoon of Chris himself was real. That's why Chris had objected to Alec Benson Leary making Asperchu - if you were a cartoon hedgehog, why would you want to be called Asperchu?

>> No.324   [Delete]   [Edit]

Chris conversed jovially with Sonichu all the way to McDonalds. It was nice having a travelling partner when he felt so lonesome.

"Gosh darn Sonichu, I can't believe I STILL don't have an 18-27 year old white, high income, clean, trusting, loving boyfriend free girl!"
"I know father, it's hard to believe what with you being so handsome and having so many fans!"
"If it wasn't for that nasty CLYDE CASH I could have married all my sweethearts... I'll get those trolls one day Sonichu"
"You sure will father, you're the greatest!"
"Yeah! Then I'll make that Clyde Cash PAY!!!"

Pulling up at the Ruckersville McDonalds he visited once every day and twice on Sundays, Chris parked in his favourite disabled parking spot. Waddling to the counter, Chris ordered his usual 2 large Big mac meals. Chris pondered asking the girl at the counter to be his sweetheart, stopping only since she was 14 and Chris was NOT a pedofork.

Greedily devouring the big macs at a booth on his own, Chris continued the conversation with Sonichu. They covered all the usual autistic repetitive things Chris talked about: China, jerkops, graduon, trolls, and cwcville.

Then, just as a mother was shielding her daughters away from the sight of the corpulent manchild, Chris saw it...

>> No.325   [Delete]   [Edit]

Posted on the noticeboard near the McDonalds counter was a leaflet bearing a familiar emblem. Attracted as he was to his autist obsessions, Chris immediately gravitated to the brochure.

>> No.326   [Delete]   [Edit]

String refused. basically, Chris sees a leaflet in McDonalds advertising a pokemon convention.

>> No.327   [Delete]   [Edit]

A few days of PSTriple later, Chris-chan hazily recalled the pokemon convention. Delusions of poke-fame and glory once again filled his neurologically dysfunctional brain, and there was only one thing to do.

"Mom?? Dad?", the manchild called for his parents.
"What now, handsome?" asked Snorlax, slightly irritated at having to wash his dirty, crapped briefs earlier that day.
"I need a booth at the pokeyman convention!" shouted Chris in the enthusiastic but monotone way that only autists can.
"The what now?" asked his redneck mother.
"The pokeyman convention at Charlottesville next year!" shouted Chris again, quickly becoming frustrated that his inconsiderate mother did not instantly know what he was thinking about.

A few hours of trawling later, Snorlax found the number for the convention organizers. No task was too great for her perfect snowflake. After railing on the organizers and threatening them with legal action for discriminating against her beloved autist, the organizers grudgingly allowed Chris-chan to set up a small stand deep in the back corner of the con.

Chris-chan, now preoccupied by another uncoordinated round of LittleBigPlanet, was mildly pleased by the news. Soon, he could get started on his Sonichu display. A boyfriend-free girl would surely follow!

>> No.328   [Delete]   [Edit]

Bob Chandler swang idly in his greenhouse. As the former genius engineer and inventor neared the end of his days, he preferred to mentally block out the abomination he had spawned. He occasionally dreamed of a competent, neurotypical son with whom he could share his love of all things mechanical, and pass on his ideas for future inventions and innovations.

"Dad, come help me make my sonichu merch!" shouted Chris, barging awkwardly into the greenhouse.

Bob was ambivalent about sonichu. As an old man he didn't understand the interest in pokemon or sonic. He had heard from Chris' momentary girlfriend Emily that sonichu was popular, people were interested in it. Chris might even be famous. But he also had a hell of a lot of trolls.

Grudgingly, Bob got up and went to work, crafting dozens of Sonichu medallions while Chris went back to PSTriple. The convention setup was coming along very slowly, but surely. Chris had a big, stained old yellow tablecloth (sonichu's favourite colour), a big cardboard sign in tropical magental reading "SOMICHU", a bunch of dodgy medallions made by Bob, and some print outs of the old comic issues.

Chris had stopped making the comic after the Big Variable of Inspiration stopped coming to him. Despite the best efforts of trolls and sweethearts alike, no one could get him to start drawing again. In fact, in recent years Chris had largely abandoned Sonichu as a concept, after failing to get a game made during his 'contact' with Shigeru Miyamoto.

Perhaps the pokemon convention would be just the right place to get Sonichu seen.

>> No.329   [Delete]   [Edit]

Weeks passed and progress continued. In addition to the filthy old tablecloth, cardboard sign and classic comics, Chris managed (with Barb's help) to make something that looked a little bit like a Sonichu costume. Since the fabric had been found deep in one of Barb's hoarding trashpiles, it smelled like a combination of musk, sweat, mothballs and Chris' latest AXE flavour.

Chris also added three more signs for his table. Two were walls of text, telling Chris' life story, his search for a boyfriend-free girl, his time at college, the trolls, and other inane details about his life. The last one set out Chris' proposal for Sonichu games, animations and other ideas, again in wall of text format.

Now preparations were almost complete. Chris just needed something extra. He decided to remake the HEART TORCH (http://sonichu.com/cwcki/Heart_Torch_of_Fail), since he reasoned his heart was about to be re-ignited by the girl he'd find at the convention.

The old torch was made of pixelblocks, and Chris was far too lazy to scavenge enough blocks from the floor of his pigpen. Something else would have to do.

Chris got to work in spurts of up to 5 minutes, trawling the endless junk piles of 14 Branchland Court for something useable to make his heart torch.

Eventually, in the depths of Bob's garage, Chris found a length of steel pipe, about 3/4 inch diameter, perfect for the shaft. Now he just needed something to function as the heart.

After a few stressful days of hot pockets, McDonalds runs and PSTriple, Chris struck gold in the crap room (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDT3zm45YaA).
Scrounging under a pile of old magazines and empty cans of AXE, Chris found just the right shaped thing.

>> No.330   [Delete]   [Edit]

It was metallic, vaguely heart shaped. It looked a bit like an old motor, with a circuit board hanging off one edge. "Bob Chandler, 1974, prototype" was engraved on one side. Chris did not know this word, so he assumed he could take it without asking Bob. Afterall, it made HIM happy.

Chris painted the contraption red, and shoved it firmly on the end of the steel shaft. Now his convention gear was complete, and the day was fast approaching!

On the evening of the first of January, Chris went to bed at the bizarrely early time of only 3am. The convention junk had been given a special place in Chris' room and was only mildly covered with refuse.

Waking at 11 the next day, Chris' clogged heart beat with excitement. Today was the day his lovequest would end.
"Oh boy Sonichu! Today I'm going to find my heartsweet! We'll have so much fun together! We'll be just like you and Rosechu!"
"Let's go father, you'll be late!" replied Sonichu.

Chris-chan picked up the rubbish and chucked in the back of his ailing car. Racing down the road to Virginia, his mind played countless and repetitive scenarios. Would she be pretty? Would she sex him on the 1st, 2nd or 3rd date? How many copies would Sonichu the game sell??

Excited by his delusions of success, Chris failed to spot the highway patrol car on the side of the road. As the cop signaled for Chris to pull over, his dreams were shattered. JERKOPS.

"License and registration?" asked the cop.
Chris grudgingly handed over his grimy license and the cop began writing a speeding ticket for Chris, who was not at all accustomed to facing consequences for his actions.

"Sir please step out of the vehicle," replied the cop.

>> No.331   [Delete]   [Edit]

Chris stepped out of the Ford Escort, revealing his Sonichu costume and custom Sonichu medallion.

"Help me Sonichu!" cried Chris-chan.
"Wait up Mac," said the second cop as the first motioned for his cuffs.
"What if we bring him in and his parents complain? What if it gets in the media? Our careers would be over if it looked like we were picking on a tard!"

Just as he was about to fire off a CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HA attack at the Jerkops, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWO-v9V3dE4), they backed off and drove away.

Content that he had beaten off the evil forces once again, Chris continued on his way to the convention.

>> No.332   [Delete]   [Edit]

Finally arriving at the hall in Charlottesville, Chris-chan lept from the car, to the horror and bemusement of all passing by.

Bundling up the home made rubbish in his arms, he waddled rapidly into the hall.
"Where's my stall? My sonichu stall?" Chris asked the first poor soul he came across.

Across the hall, a young man spotted the fat autist.
"He's here," said the man to his co-organizer.
"You drew the short straw," said the second man.

Making his way over to the sweaty manchild, the convention organizer greeted him
"Hi, I'm Dan, you must be Chris"
"I'm Christopher 'Christian' Weston Chandler, Spanish nickname Ricardo, born 24 February 1982!" was the reply
"Whatever. Anyway you have a table over here," said Dan, leading Chris through the con towards an empty corner with an old desk.

Eying up the females young and old as he waddled through the con, Chris reached his desk and eagerly began setting up. He spread the filthy canary yellow tablecloth, propped up his 4 signs and leaned the Heart Torch against the side of the desk.

True love was only moments away now...

>> No.333   [Delete]   [Edit]

The con attracted a healthy turnout, owing to the impending release of Pokemon Black and White.

Kids played the TCG at big round tables on one side of the hall. In the centre, aisles of tables were lined with pokemon enthusiasts sharing their merchandise, original art, cosplays and other paraphernalia. The opposite side was full of kids and manchildren battling fervently. Wotterfags and Smugfags fervently tried to out-do each other with their arts and cosplays.

The con proceeded happily throughout the afternoon. The atmosphere was relaxed and friendly with few mishaps or strange people spoiling the fun. The only exceptions were one girl cosplaying Lyra, who kept demanding to other attendees that they prepare their Quilava. Worse than this was a douchebag proclaiming to all around him that Dragonfource were his metal master, until he was forcefully ejected.

Despite the happy and welcoming tone of the event, things were not going so well for our hero. Alone in the corner, Chris had not been approached by a single soul all afternoon. At one point an 8 year old girl had wandered close, only for her mother to scoop her up and hastily retreat. No game developers had offered to make Sonichu, and Stan Lee had not personally appeared and offered to syndicate Sonichu. Things were looking disastrous.

>> No.334   [Delete]   [Edit]

Towards the close of the afternoon, whispers spread around the hall that a special demonstration was taking place. At 4 o'clock, A group of young men began making preparations on the hall stage. The curtains closed, and there were metallic clanging sounds coming from the stage. The remaining con-goers quietened and watched in anticipation.

Chris by this point had become increasingly desperate. Taking out his thick black sharpie, he scrawled NEED VAGINA on his sonichu costume, and took to pacing up and down the hall, ensuring all the girls present got a good look at his shirt. Some smiled in sympathy.

One girl was foolish to ask if Chris was cosplaying Manectric. This resulted in a 40 minute lecture on the history of Sonichu and all his adventures, before the girl's friends rescued her.

Finally, the curtains began opening. The con attendees watched as a man stepped forward with a microphone. He was no older than 24. He looked slightly nerdy, with glasses and some neck stubble, an engineering-student type. He was dressed in a white coat, with a red shirt and brown trousers.

Behind him was a large box, about 4 feet high, covered by a sheet. Five other men stood around the box.

"Greetings pokefans! My name is OAK! Welcome to the world... of pokemon androids!"
The crowd gasped as he continued
"That's right! For the first time ever, we're here to show off our fully functional, model pikachu!"

One of the men pulled the sheet off the box, revealing a cage. Inside that cage was a realistic, if slightly rigid looking Pikachu.

"Let's see what he can do!" cried the Oak cosplayer.

>> No.335   [Delete]   [Edit]

While the engineers began booting up the Pikachu android, Chris waddled toward the stage to get a better look. Like Moses at the Red Sea, the crowd parted before him, repulsed to at least a 2 metre radius by the stench of AXE and his freshly crapped briefs. He carried the Heart Torch, in the hopes that a boyfriend-free girl might FINALLY realize they needed to have sex with him.

"...and so after years of development, the latest in robotics technology has finally been applied to making a working model pikachu!" Oak finished explaining.

The crowd cheered as the robotic pikachu came to life. It twisted its head left and right, apparently scanning its surroundings.

"Once activated, Pikachu's sensors allow it to move around without human control!" said Oak.

Pikachu took its first steps out of the stage. It walked up to Oak, and appeared to scan him.

"It's quite friendly!" said Oak, placing Pikachu on his shoulder.
"Pikachu!" cried Pikachu.

"Now, who wants to see an electric attack!"

>> No.336   [Delete]   [Edit]

The crowd cheered loudly. Chris-chan stared idly at a nearby girl's ass, largely oblivious to the events on stage. The Heart Torch was now held over the back of his shoulders in one hand, while the hand other fondled his balls through is pocket.

"Now, Pikachu can generate an electric spark just like in the show!"

Oak placed a metal rod on the stage to act as a target.

"Pikachu, show us your thunderbolt!" Oak said loudly.

"Piiiiiiiiiii-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-" started Pikachu, as sparks flared out around its cheeks...


Then several things happened very quickly. Two huge arcs of blue-white electrical energy shot from Pikachu's cheeks. One arc hit the metal rod, as intended.

However, the other leapt straight for the contraption on top of Chris-chan's Heart Torch. Immediately, the metal contraption let out a humming, whirring sound. The sound grew louder and higher pitched, as if something inside the device was spinning. It crackled, softly like static at first, but then loud, like thunder.

Chris-chan dropped the Heart Torch in horror. Some younger children screamed. Then there was a huge bang, and an intense white flash...

>> No.337   [Delete]   [Edit]

As the flash dimmed, everyone inside the hall held their eyes in pain. Dulled to pain by his neurological dysfunction, Chris-chan opened his eyes first.

A huge orange ellipse had formed above his Heart Torch. First, the inside of the ellipse was a dull, silver colour. Slowly, an image emerged. It was a light blue colour, the kind used for the sky in animations. Then Chris saw some trees and bushes. It was a scene from an anime!

As the other people in the hall opened their eyes, Oak tried to reassure them
"Stay calm, it's ok!"

Suddenly the inside of the orange ellipse became even more bizarre: sound emerged. There was a sound of evil laughter: a man, a woman, and a third one. Perhaps a child? It had a New York, or maybe New Jersey accent.

The younger children and their mothers at the con quickly left, with other fans watching on in horror. The engineers deactivated Pikachu - but the device on Chris' Heart Staff kept on whirring and spinning, and the scene inside the orange ellipse remained.

>> No.338   [Delete]   [Edit]

Now everyone was fixated on the orange elipse. It was like a TV screen showing an anime - but different. It was so much more... real. Almost tangible.

A voice came from inside the screen - it was the man they heard laughing before.

"What's that Jessie?" said the man, sounding bemused
"I... I don't know. Anyway let's go, the twerps are coming!"
"Right!" cried the child-like voice.

A fourth voice, different to the first three was heard, more distantly.
"It's team rocket!" It was a young boy's voice.

Suddenly, three figures dressed in white bundled through the orange elipse. For the first time in his entire life, Chris-chan realized something before anyone else. His nasally, irritating voice rang out across the hall:


>> No.339   [Delete]   [Edit]

"IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?" a woman in the hall shouted at Oak.

"No... I... I don't understand what's going on!" replied Oak in terror.

"Where are we?" asked the woman from the portal. She had long, purple-pink hair. Despite now being three dimensional, she still looked just like an anime character.
"It's like Roger Rabbit! Just like I always knew!" yelled Chris-chan, who was promptly ignored.
"What are you?" a man shouted at the three.

The three figures in white stood up and struck a pose.

>Prepare for trouble!
>and make it double!
>to protect the world from devastation!
>to unite all peoples within our nation!
>to denounce the evils of truth and love!
>to extend our reach to the stars above!
>Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!
>Surrender now, or prepare to fight!
>Meowth, that's right!
>> No.340   [Delete]   [Edit]

"It's a hologram!" someone shouted.

The hall burst into applause for the engineers, who still looked bemused.

"What did he say?" asked James.
"They think we're... a hologram?" replied Jessie.

Then, three more characters burst into the room. Ash Ketchum and his companions, Brock in his green jacket, and Dawn in her black top and pink miniskirt.

"Tell us what you did with Pikachu!" shouted Ash.

Team Rocket laughed.
"Not a chance! Seviper, go!" shouted Jessie.

Unlike the six people before them, Seviper was not so cartoony. A huge black serpent, at least 18 feet in length burst from Jessie's pokeball.

"POISON TAIL!" shouted Jessie.

The serpent's tail glowed, and it lashed out violently. Tables and booths were scattered as Seviper attacked.

>> No.341   [Delete]   [Edit]

"Piplup, bubblebeam!" shouted the girl in the miniskirt.

A penguin-like creature with an oversized head emerged from a pokeball, firing soapy water bubbles at the serpent.

By now, all but Chris and a few fanatical attendees had run from Seviper. The orange portal still glowed and showed the inside of the pokemon world.

Seviper bore down on Piplup, whose bubbles apparently had no effect at all. With one terrifying strike, the serpent swallowed Piplup whole.

Dawn screamed, and the trio backed away from Seviper, helpless.

"Hey, maybe pokemon become real in this world", mused Chris, largely unaware of the danger. Seviper struck again, injecting its venom into a helpless fan in a swampert cosplay. It decapitated another with a swing of its poison tale.

Now even Team Rocket watched in horror at the carnage. Seviper struck a third time, biting clean through the neck of a girl as she fled the hall. Now only Chris and the six anime-humans were left.

>> No.342   [Delete]   [Edit]

Chris, used to living in a world of abject fantasy and lacking empathy for other people, was much less phased than expected for someone who just watched three gruesome murders by a giant serpent unleashed by characters transported from an anime world.

Chris waddled to the glowing portal. He took the sonichu medallion from his neck and held it inside the portal.
"Sonichu, I summon you!" he shouted.
The medallion glowed an intense yellow.

Chris reached back into the real world. A burst of light came from the Sonichu medallion. First an amorphous blob, it slowly took shape. It had legs, a body, a head, and finally quils. Sonichu had emerged from the medallion.

Meanwhile, the heroes from the world of pokemon were not faring well. Seviper had ripped the throat out of Ash's Staraptor, and was now constricting Brock. Brock's mouth opened but no scream could be heard, as Seviper crushed the life out of him.

Even Team Rocket were terrified by what their creature had become.

"Sonichu! It's time to zap, to the extreme!" said Chris
"I will," said Sonichu,
"Thankyou father.

>> No.343   [Delete]   [Edit]

Sonichu ran at the creature, hitting it with a VOLT TACKLE. The force of the attack made Seviper drop Brock, who fell limp and lifeless to the ground.

Sonichu landed on the stage, and turned to face its foe. Seviper struck out multiple times, but it was not fast enough to bite Sonichu.
"Arbok, poison tail!" cried a re-enthused Jessie.
Seviper swung its tail, catching Sonichu's arm. The arm sliced clean off, and green blood poured from Sonichu's side. Sonichu screamed in pain.

"Hang on Sonichu!" shouted Chris-chan.
"Use Double Team!"
Sonichu made two copies of itself, confusing Seviper.
"Seviper, poison sting!" Jessie cried.
Seviper fired its poison stings, but hit the wrong Sonichu.
"Now, THUNDERRR!" shouted Chris.
Sonichu unleashed the full force of his electricity upon Seviper. The hall was filled with the stench of burning skin as a three hundred thousand amp current pulsed through Seviper's body. The electric attack arced and connected with the helpless Team Rocket members, who were fried to a crisp.

Seviper's body reeled, then collapsed, its face falling towards Ash. The serpent's poisoned tipped fang landed on Ash, digging into his shoulder. Ash's body shook in a spasmic motion, then collapsed.

>> No.344   [Delete]   [Edit]

Chris ran to Sonichu's side. The wound was still bleeding profusely.
"Sonichu, are you ok?"
"Father, I..." started Sonichu
"I know, you can return to the medallion!" squeaked Chris, still lacking empathy.
Chris tapped the Medallion against Sonichu. But no matter how he tried, Sonichu remained corporeal.
"Father, my wound is poisoned, I can't survive..."
Sonichu closed his eyes, and his body went limp.

Chris-chan, not understanding death, took this to mean that Sonichu was sleeping and would return later.

Meanwhile, Dawn sat in tears at Ash's feet, sobbing over the death of her two closest friends. As she lamented her fallen travelling partners, the whirring sound coming from the Heart Torch quietened.

The bright orange portal faded. First the scene from the anime disappeared, then finally the portal itself gave way. Some gray smoke came from the machine, and the noise finally ended with a "clunk" sound.

Chris-chan, who quickly lost interest in Sonichu, wandered down from the stage to greet the last surviving anime character.

"Hi, are you a boyfriend-free girl?"

>> No.345   [Delete]   [Edit]

"what? I..." Dawn looked up at Chris-chan, her eyes filled with tears.

"Hi, I'm Cristopher 'Christian' Weston Chandler, Spanish nickname Ricardo, born 24th February 1982"
"I... I'm Dawn, thank you for saving me"

Chris knelt down and put an arm around Dawn.

"It's nothing ma'am. Now, have you heard of Sonichu and Rosechu?"
"No... My friends, they're..."
"I'm the ORIGINAL, TRUE and HONEST creator of Sonichu and Rosechu!" boasted Chris. "Don't buy any merchandise from anyone else!" he continued.

Dawn sobbed lightly into Ash's sleeve.

"Anyway, I'm an honest, compassionate gentleman who needs a good time with a woman," he said, wrapping his arm more tightly around Dawn.

Outside the hall, sunset had come, and the area around the hall grew quiet.

"Ugh, get off me you creep!" started Dawn
"Shh, I know it must be real hard, but I need a boyfriend-free girl right now", Chris insisted.

Chris tenderly moved in and kissed Dawn on the cheek. Dawn shuddered as if she'd just been kissed by a Muk. Chris continued, kissing around her jaw and on her lips.

Despite his flabby, unused arms having little or no muscles, he was still an adult man, and Dawn could do little to resist the manchild's advances. She also soon found that the physics of the real world were far less kind to her skirt, which did little to hide her panties from Chris' hungry eyes.

"you're real pretty", said Chris, staring at Dawn.

>> No.346   [Delete]   [Edit]

Chris pushed Dawn onto her back on the floor of the hall. He climbed on top of her, looking down into her terrified anime eyes.

For the first time in his life, he felt the softness of a young girl's skin, and smelled her perfume. He gently removed her hat, and ran his greasy hands through her perfect hair.

"Well gee, I aint never done this with a girl before", said Chris. His bent, three inch duck was now raging hard. As he pressed himself against Dawn's body, she felt physically ill when the duck pressed against her leg.

Chris was overcome by the soft, smooth touch of her skin. He had to have her, and he had to have her now. He lifted off his red and blue striped shirt, revealing his enormous gut and jiggling manboobs. As he kissed Dawn passionately, Chris' hands wandered up her shirt, over her soft belly and up to her small breasts. Soon Dawn's shirt was off, and Chris was exploring her body.

The stench of axe, piss, sweat and shit overcame Dawn. In a combination of fear and disgust, she projectile vomited all over Chris' face as he paused between kisses to admire her breasts.

Chris choked and coughed on the vomit. How could this happen? She was his sweetheart. Didn't she care for anyone except herself? Did she have no heart??


>> No.347   [Delete]   [Edit]

Chris angrily pinned Dawn down and lifted up her miniskirt. Sliding his hands into her panties, Chris reached the Nirvana he'd dreamed of for so long: CHINA.

Feeling Dawn's body sent Chris into overdrive. He ripped off his jeans and dirty crapped briefs, lifted Dawn's legs, and began pushing his duck into her crotch.

Eventually managing to find the right hole, Chris pressed himself as far inside her as his duck would allow. Dawn screamed in terror as his began thrusting as hard as possible, holding her legs while he pumped away.

Overcome by the horror, Dawn cried loudly.

"SHUT UP!" yelled Chris, outraged that she was ruining HIS moment. Yes, HIS lovequest was FINALLY over, and the bitch was ruining it for HIM!

"I'm going to pleasure you orally!" said Chris. Taking his duck out of Dawn, he brought his mouth down to her China. Rolling his tongue, he inserted it roughly, then unrolled it inside her. But no matter how much he repeated it, Dawn's sobs would not stop.

"Now it's your turn!" Chris cried in ecstasy

>> No.348   [Delete]   [Edit]

Dawn gritted her teeth, and did not allow Chris' duck to enter her mouth, no matter how he thrusted. Her cheeks were stabbed again and again by the awkward pumping motion of the autistic manchild.

"Fine, I'll just do your EYE!!!" Chris shouted in his high pitched squealing voice.
"NO! Please!" cried Dawn, but it was too late.

Chris thrust his duck into Dawn's moist eye. He pushed harder and harder, until he broke through the cornea. Blood began to trickle from the eye as Chris penetrated the soft interior.

Dawn screamed in pain as she was blinded by Chris's cock. Soon he moved to the other eye, leaving her completely unable to see.

Skullfucking her harder and harder, Chris slowly began to reach climax. Holding her firmly by the neck, Chris arched his back in pleasure as he unleashed his navy into Dawn's eye sockets.

Chris dropped Dawn in a pool of blood and semen. As he zipped up his pants, he heard the sounds of police sirens approaching...

>> No.349   [Delete]   [Edit]

Thinking quickly, Chris pillaged the pokeballs from Ash's side; he wouldn't need them anyway.

Chris threw Dawn over his shoulder, and released Charizard from its pokeball. Climbing onto its back, Chris flew through the window of the hall before the police arrived to investigate the scene.


Things were a little different at 14 Branchland Place from then on. Chris commandeered the Greenhouse from Bob, forbidding anyone from entering. He went there once or twice a day, usually taking food with him. His parents assumed he was relaxing there. After all, Chris was a lot less tense lately.

Having Ash's pokemon around was quite helpful too. On one occasion, Chris was taking the pokemon for some exercise, when visited the bank to collect his monthly tugboat.

While he was there, a robbery took place, and Chris had to get down until the robbers left.

After he got back from exercising pokemon, Chris entered his room, and decided to write a song about the experience.

It went:

>open the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the bulbasaur

The End.

>> No.350   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1292274729056.png -(33.4 KiB, 263x232) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>> No.351   [Delete]   [Edit]

Why? Why did I lol and girl-fap to this? Why am I such a sick fuck?

Last edited 10/12/21(Tue)05:41.

>> No.358   [Delete]   [Edit]

because you can

>> No.360   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1293100912104.jpg -(89.4 KiB, 500x630) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

If I laughed any harder I would literally cry my eyes out. Will post actual comment once I manage to inhale.

>> No.361   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1293208446816.jpg -(50.2 KiB, 500x630) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


>> No.367   [Delete]   [Edit]

oh lawd

original writer of this story here (first posted on 4chan /vp/)

Glad to see a girl has fapped to my story.

>> No.368   [Delete]   [Edit]

just when you thought you couldn't hate chris-chan anymore. well played

because you're a nerd heavily affected with gotis

>> No.369   [Delete]   [Edit]

Thank you kind sir.

>> No.375   [Delete]   [Edit]

At the beginning I was like: "Oh, okay, this might be funny."
Then I was like, "huh, it's quite funny"
Suddenly, robuts and portals: "Eh, getting daft but still want to read."
Pokemon characters and massacre errywhere: "ha ha, oh wow"
Chris smooth talkin': "This is making me cringe a little"
rape: "Christ, what?"
Eye fuck: "Bloody hell why"
raining Pokemon and having no-one notice: "lol"

>> No.383   [Delete]   [Edit]

I stopped reading when I got to Chris trying to kiss Dawn.

Too horrible!

>> No.385   [Delete]   [Edit]


>> No.387   [Delete]   [Edit]


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