[Burichan] [Gurochan] [Futaba] [Photon] [Uboachan] - [Home] [RSS Live Feed] [Manage]

Posting mode: Reply
Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
Password (for post and file deletion and editing)

File: 1285130432978.jpg -(70.9 KiB, 300x350) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
72631 No.197   [Delete]   [Edit

Hi, good people of /lit/. After lurking for a few months, I became interested in typing out a fanfic regarding things before the events of Yume Nikki. Please provide constructive critique for this first chapter I have brewed up.

Edit: also, new chapters are going to be posted here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6373824/1/Yume_Nikki_Before_the_Storm
Chapter 1: A Strange Encounter

"I can't believe it's finally over. This first day of teaching students and putting up with those guys in the lounge was daunting enough, but now I have all these forms and bills to deal with as well." A frustrated Masada thinks as he gets out of his small white car with a black case. He steps toward the apartment building tiredly while looking at the sunset to the west. "After all this is done, though, I might be able to play a few numbers on the old piano before the day is gone." He thinks.As he enters the building and walks down a hall of doors, he notices a single 100 yen coin on the ground. "Finders keepers." He thinks as he leans over to pick it up. When he attempts to fiddle with the lock on his apartment door that was simply labeled "116", he mutters to himself loudly and attracts the attention of a young girl nearby. He opens the door quickly and, after hearing the sound of something being hit by the door, stops in his tracks. He looks on the other side of the door and sees a girl covering her nose in pain, with a few rivulets of blood coming down her hands and face. "Oh no! What have I done?" He thinks to himself, with beads of sweat dribbling down his neck. "Miss, I am so sorry and I- Madotsuki?" He curiously asks after remembering who she was. Her eyes are welling up with tears and she is now sobbing quietly. "Madotsuki, what were you doing?" He asks with concern. Masada remembered Madotsuki from a morning music class when she was having trouble playing certain parts of a song with her flute. After carefully showing her the right way to play certain notes and building up some momentum, she looked to be on the right track. Masada quickly snaps out of his memories and says, "We'll need to get that bloody nose taken care of immediately." He beckons her to follow him into his apartment.

`After following him into his kitchen, Madotsuki wipes up her nose the best she could.
"I didn't know you lived in this dump." She says in a still shaken tone. "I don't have much money." He replies, grabbing some toilet paper from an unwrapped roll and wadding it up to fit into her nostrils.
"This is the second time you've helped me today." She says happily. He puts the remaining toilet paper on the counter when he feels that Madotsuki has wrapped her arms around him.
"I like you a lot." She states in a low, calm tone. "Madotsuki, please return home, your parents must be getting worried." He says to her.
"Okay." She replies bluntly as she exits the kitchen and soon the apartment. Masada, now left with his papers on the kitchen table, heads to his bedroom to change clothes.
Meanwhile, shortly after returning to her room, Madotsuki gets into her desk chair and writes into her diary, "August 16th, 2008; I never would have expected Sensei Masada to be living in this ragged building. He was a nice enough man to help me with not just my failure in music, but also with the nose bleed he gave me on accident. Also, Monoe's friend Poniko has just moved in on the 2nd floor. I wonder how that will play out."
Soon, knocks are heard from the apartment door. Madotsuki opens the door and finds Monoko with her usual happy grin. "Hi Mado! Wanna head over to my room and play more videogames?" She asks in a joyous tone. Madotsuki nods and says, "Wait a moment, let me get done with something."
Monoko nods in reply and whistles to herself while Madotsuki heads back to her room. She writes into her journal hastily, "By the way, Sensei, Your fly was undone, but I won't mention that to anyone." She, then, rushes out the door to join up with Monoko.`

Last edited 10/10/05(Tue)21:00.

>> No.207   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285558975461.png -(717.5 KiB, 787x1011) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here is a new chapter that nobody would probably read, but I typed out anyway.
Again, constructive critique is welcomed, but posts like "more", "stfu", "gtfo fagot", etc. are also welcome.
EDIT #4: Finally formatted it right.


Chapter 2: Those beaks, man...

`Monoko looks at Madotsuki and notices her nose.
Pieces of toilet paper were in her nose and there were still red markings around her nostrils.
"Mado, where did you get the bloody nose?" Monoko asks curiously.
Madotsuki was silent as they soon reach the ground floor.
When they approach a door labeled 107, she finally replies, "It's nothing."
Monoko, realizing that she might be touching uncomfortable material,
knows that it is best not to mention Madotsuki's nose again.
As they enter the room, they see a woman with long black hair standing in the hallway, looking at her watch.
"Hi Monoe!" Monoko says. Monoe instantly turns her head towards the two
and says, "Oh hey. Poniko is in the bathroom, incase if you were curious why the door was closed."
Monoko and Madotsuki walk passed Monoe and approach the entertainment center, complete with a PS2, an n64, an SNES, and a crummy television set that dates back to the late 80's.
Monoko plugs in the SNES, turns on the TV and, while fishing for a game cartridge inside of a little rubber container, asks Madotsuki, "Wanna do some Contra 3?"
Madotsuki knew that Monoko, despite being an overly energetic school girl,
was ridiculously skilled at the Contra games and that she would be able to
make up for any slack on Madotsuki's part in two player mode.
Madotsuki simply nods and the two sit on the couch as the title screen pops up.
Monoko, knowing that Madotsuki isn't too good at this game,
sets the difficulty to normal and the lives to 7. They soon begin and, after beating the first stage,
Madotsuki says, "Monoko, I must go now." Monoko, surprised by such a thing, replies in a dishearted tone, "Oh... okay... good bye, mado."
Madotsuki walks out of the apartment room and, as curious as ever, walks over to Masada's room to the left. When she reaches out to knock on the door, she feels a very sharp sting of pain. Nevertheless, she knocks a few times and waits a bit. The pain gets even more intense and Madotsuki is clutching her head in agony, tears welling up. She lets out a cry of misery as the door opens to reveal a more casually dressed Masada, similtaniously both surprised that Madotsuki is at his door again and horrified by the painful sounds she is making while grabbing her own head. "What the-?" He asks in confusion very shortly before her eyes close and she falls to the floor with a thud.`Her existence feels as though she had been warped to a different world altogether. She now finds herself on a road that leads to the west and to the east towards a tunnel. Looking to the west, she sees a man walking to her. "Hey little girl, how the hell did you get here?" He asks her. Although offended by the tone he had, She wouldn't mind trying to find a way out to get out of here. "I don't even know where I am!" She replies. The man, giving Madotsuki a strange look, says, "Listen... do you hear that?" Madotsuki is now on the look out to hear strange sounds. Almost immediately afterwards, a person jumps down from a tree and slowly rises up. It's face has a beak, speckled red with blood, along with purple eyes pointing at random, possibly implying a crazed creature with a bloodlust. The man, before he could scream, was gripped by the neck and soon was being slashed in the chest with powerful talon-like claws. Madotsuki, fearing for her life, runs eastward as fast and far as possible. Before entering the tunnel, she looks behind herself to see the bird creature cackling maniacally before attempting to land a finishing blow. She rushes into the tunnel quickly and keeps running until she can no longer move. She sits down and attempts to catch her breath, believing that she is safe. After a few minutes, she rises up from the ground and wonders where to go, when a shrill cry is heard and she is jolted with shock.

She now awakens and finds herself in a bed. Not knowing where she is, she climbs out the left side of the bed and sees a door to her right. Feeling like she has almost nothing else to lose, she opens the door and sees Masada at a piano, playing a soft melody that calms her down significantly. As she walks toward him, he stops playing. "Are you okay, Madotsuki?" He asks without turning around. She replies bluntly, "Yes." Masada turns around, wearing a black long sleaved shirt and black pants, and has a look of relief on his face. "I'm wondering... why is it that when you show up, bad things happen?" He asks. Madotsuki giggles a little and says, "I guess someone doesn't want us to be together." They both chuckle a little and soon hear someone knocking on the door. Masada gets up from the piano bench and walks over to the door. He opens the door to find Monoe and Poniko asking, "Hi Sensei Masada, can we come in?" He nods as the two girls walk in to find Madotsuki in the entertainment room. "Madotsuki?" Monoe asks. Madotsuki is sitting in a chair, eyes closed and a happy expression on her face. "...Sensei... don't like girls your own age?" Poniko asks. Masada gently nudges her shoulder and says calmly, "Madotsuki, it's time for you to get up." She slowly wakes up and notices Monoe and Poniko. "You're Poniko?" She asks the blond haired girl. "Yup. You're the Madotsuki girl that Monoe talked about once, right?" Madotsuki nods and they both shake hands. Though Poniko was only trying to get a rise out of her, Madotsuki already started to dislike Poniko the minute they officially met.`Madotsuki said good bye to the two girls and Masada, then proceeded to go out the apartment door. She walked up the stairs and, on the fourth floor, walks over to the door labeled 403. After entering the door and going through the hallway to her room, she saw that the clock said 7:12pm. She sits on the floor and plays some Nasu before being called to dinner. Meanwhile, Monoe and Poniko walk out of Masada's apartment with some CDs while Masada is sitting at his kitchen table, pondering what to do next. "I don't know why that little girl is obsessed with me." He thinks to himself as he taps his finger on the table. "Oh well, time for food. I wonder if I still have more noodles..." He thinks as he gets up and walks to his pantry.

Last edited 10/09/27(Mon)05:47.

>> No.208   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285585593639.png -(518.8 KiB, 450x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

I would very much like to review this for you. I've eyed through it and will be sure to leave some actual feedback later.

>> No.209   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285617039648.png -(101.9 KiB, 600x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Please do. I'll be looking forward to it.

Also, pic semi related: E guy will be in the next chapter.

>> No.210   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285637071984.jpg -(2833 B, 340x408) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Because I was still in the mood to type out more, here is another chapter for me to spend +15 minutes attempting to format with edit after edit and for you all to do something with.
Chapter 3: The Department Store?

It's nearly 9:30pm and she has just entered the bathroom to take her nightly shower.She slowly removes her shirt and her skirt. Then, she takes off her panties and undos her bra.
Before stepping into the shower, she takes a brief moment to examine her body infront of the mirror.
Noticing that her breasts are not developing yet nor does she have any pubic hair, she wonders when it will happen and how subtle the process will be.
Stepping into the shower and starting the water up, Madotsuki starts wetting her hair.
She takes the bottle of shampoo, pours out a decent blob in her hand, and starts the scrubbing. She combs her hair as to make sure that any shampoo left will be removed.
A little more washing here and there, and she stops the water.

Madotsuki grabs one towel to dry off her body and another towel to dry her hair.Eventually, after scrubbing away at her body with the first towel, she puts it back on the towel bar and wraps the second towel around her hair while putting on some pajamas.
She exits the bathroom fresh, clean, and smelling of strawberries.
Heading back into her room and turning on her television to play more Nasu, she suddenly starts feeling a little more tired than usual after catching her 6th or 7th eggplant.
She yawns while turning off the television and console.
She also removes the towel from her hair and decides to comb it, assuming that her hair is dry enough not to make the pillow wet.
She stumbles to her bed and plops herself onto it.
Pulling the covers and turning off the light, she closes her eyes and tries to sleep.
After a little while, she feels as though she is being drifted away to a whole new realm.

She finds herself in a weird department store, with all these strange people walking nearby.After noticing that she is still wearing her day clothes and sees a door nearby, she walks to it.
Inside, she finds a bird creature behind a counter and an even stranger sight:
a man with a red E for a face.

She approaches the bird creature, whom looks slightly like the monster that killed the guy on the road.
It speaks, "What do you want?" Madotsuki asks, "What kind of creature are you?"
It replies in an agitated voice, "I'm a toriningen, you fucking retard; now what do you want?"
The E man says casually, "Don't mind the insults, her kind aren't too social."
Madotsuki nods at the E man and sees another door nearby.
She walks close to the door, but feels something tugging at her shirt.
"Woah there, little girl, the boss wouldn't be happy if you went into his room without permission!"
The E man says, but the toriningen glazes over and says,
"Go in there and bring me something.
That way, you will have earned the status of 'I guess I'm not just a worthless pile of shit.'"
Madotsuki is split between going in and staying out, but she inhales deeply and prepares to enter the door.
"Good luck, maggot. You'll need it." The toriningen says while lighting up a cigarette.
Madotsuki opens the door softly and sees a figure similar to the E man.
This guy appears to be sleeping on a couch next to a flute on the ground nearby.
There is also a sack of something in his left hand that he is gently holding onto.
Realizing that the sack is probably too hard to get without waking the guy up, Madotsuki grabs the flute and leaves the room.
After she closes the door, the toriningen asks, "Whaddya got?"
she sees the flute and yells, "This is the item you risked your life for?
It's a piece of trash! You saw the sack in his hand, right?
That thing contains over 50,000 yen in coins! Go back in there and get the sack!"
"But what if he wakes up?" Madotsuki asks.
"I don't give a shit as long as I get my coins! Now move it!" The toriningen yells.
The E man says, "Listen, little girl, get out of here, he's waking up."
Madotsuki exits the room quickly as the door is about to open.
The door finally opens and reveals the other E man with an enraged look, "Who took my flute?!" It asks in a foul tone.
The first E man says, "bird jerk took it."

Madotsuki listens as the second E man grabs the toriningen's neck and drags her into the other room.A few seconds of silence, followed by a series of high pitch screechs along with a few blood splatters.
She could make out "Oh God!", "Stop!", and "Please... no more..." from the noises made.
The first E man sees Madotsuki poking her head in the door and quietly says, "To be fair, I didn't like her too much.
Though after this is done, she'll be in the worst mood of her life. Try not to hang around here for a while, will ya?"
Madotsuki's face displays a repulsed look as she waves good bye to the E man.
After walking away from, and vowing to never reenter, the E man lair; she walks to the north east of the department store and sees another entrance to a room.
She enters the room to find a floating, upside down spike, with two little eyes and an even smaller mouth.
She doesn't know how to open dialogue with such a creature, but before she could even react, it tips over on its side and starts pouring out red liquid from a hole ontop of its body.
She sees a couch and proceeds to sit on it. Surprisingly soft, almost as though it was full of jelly.
A disturbing thought enters Madotsuki's head as she notices that the liquid pouring out of the creature looks to be quick thick.
Thinking about the couch and the liquid makes her quickly get out of the couch for fear of it popping open and getting herself sticky.
As she leaves the area, she sees the backside of someone she knows.
"Sensei!" She shouts happily, attempting to get his attention.
He turns around and starts running away. "Wait! Don't go!" She cries out to him.

She pursues him until he goes up the escalator, runs into the elevator, and hits the up button before she was finished with the escalator."Sensei... why..." She says quietly. "YOU!" She hears someone behind her say.
As Madotsuki turns around and sees the brutally injured toriningen she encountered before, it speaks in an extremely livid tone,
"Not only did you not get me my coins, but you also got me the rape of the century! Now, I'm going to make sure you wish you were never born!"
The toriningen slowly lumbers over to Madotsuki as she was cowering in fear.
When Madotsuki opened her eyes, she saw the toriningen fall onto the floor from a backstab by a man in a grey suit, armed with a longsword.
"W-who are y-you?!?" She asks in a very terrified voice. "It's time for you to wake up and smell the ashes." He says as he reaches out a light grey hand, reeking of decaying flesh.
As the hand touches her forehead, she jolts awake and starts breathing heavily.
It was barely lit outside and the clock read out as 6:56am. Madotsuki grumbles as she climbs out of bed and walks to her dresser. Picking a standard pink shirt, dark pink skirt, and her typical braids from the top of her dresser; she walks into the bathroom and attempts to begin her morning routine.

Last edited 10/09/27(Mon)18:55.

>> No.212   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285780259344.png -(26.9 KiB, 480x640) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Moar being posted today
This one is a bit longer than average
Edit: Formatting, what fun

Chapter 4: Burning passion

Monoe is currently sitting at her computer in the sisters' bedroom, with a cold stern look on her face as the computer clock displays 7:08am."Poniko was supposed to be here an hour ago... why is she not here?" She asks herself quietly in an distasteful tone.
Monoko walks into the room with a glass of water in one hand and a bagel in the other.
"Want a bagel?" She asks with a mouth full of bagel. Monoe completely ignores her sister and walks out of the room, and soon the apartment.
As Monoko sits on her bed and enjoys her bagel, Monoe walks down the hallway and up the stairs until she reaches the 2nd floor.
She then sees the same vending machine on the 2nd floor she used to crack open and steal snacks from.
Her stomach grumbles from the lack of breakfast, but she keeps her thoughts on Poniko.
After approaching the door labeled "206", Monoe knocks a few times and waits a moment.
A little while later, a woman with brown hair and a bottle of sake in her hand opens the door. "What are you here for?"
She asks in a very anti-social tone.
"Is Poniko here?" Monoe asks politely.
The woman turns her head and yells, "Get over here, your friend is waiting for you!"
Monoe's eyes opened from the sudden yelling and she asks, "Does she usually get up later?"
The woman replies, "Hell, you'd be lucky to get her up before 10am."
Poniko walks into sight and asks, "Oh hey, ready to go?" Monoe nods and Poniko says goodbye to the woman, who only walks away deeper into the apartment room after Poniko closes the door.
"What kept you?" Monoe asks as she walks over to the snack machine. "You know I don't wake up on the weekends before 9am at the very least, right?"
Poniko replies as she looks at Monoe, "Also, going to crack it open, at least for old time's sake?"

Monoe is already fishing through her pockets for a suitable pin. "I swear, they made this way too easy on purpose."She says in a disappointed tone. As the lock on the machine door was successfully picked, she carefully opens the door and starts grabbing some snack bags.
Poniko asks as she grabs some snacks as well, "Do you think we're going to get caught anytime soon?"
Monoe shrugs as she stuffs the bags inside of her purse.
After getting what they wanted, Monoe closes and locks the door. The two head toward the staircase when they see Madotsuki casually walking down the steps, with the same bored expression.
"Think you can apologize to her after referring to her as just 'that Madotsuki girl'?" Monoe asks sarcastically.
Poniko gulps from the prospect of apologizing to someone else, this time from how awkward it already was with Madotsuki.
She, then, says, "Hey Mado." Madotsuki's head turns slowly as she stops in her tracks on a single step.
"I, uh... wanted to say that I'm sorry for not referring to you in a respectful manner..." Poniko akwardly says.
Madotsuki's face still retains the same bored expression, but she now beckons Poniko to follow her with a hand gesture.

As Poniko follows Madotsuki downstairs and into the 1st floor hallway, she asks, "Whats this about?"Madotsuki takes out a red letter from her pocket and puts it into her hand, then asks,
"Do you know anything about this letter? I found it in my bathroom."
Poniko shakes her head, gives back the letter without hesitation, and says,
"You're on your own with that. I'm just going to be heading to Monoe's right now. See you later."
They both wave goodbye and Madotsuki starts to head over to Masada's door.
Just before getting any closer to the door, Madotsuki looks around to make sure something isn't going to happen.
Being sure that nothing will happen, she knocks on the door.
A few moments later, she hears some noises come from the door knob and the door opens.
Masada stands before her and says, "Hello there, Madotsuki."
She bows gracefully before him and asks, "May I come in?"
He nods and she follows him through the apartment.
She finds herself sitting in the chair she tried out yesterday and starts feeling more relaxed than sleeping in her own bed as Masada plays a soft song on the piano.

The soothing melody along with the warm temperature makes Madotsuki fall asleep very easily and whisk away into the dream world soon enough.As she opens her eyes, she finds herself in her room, but this time without the nearby famicom. She looks around and sees her bed.
As utterly weird the prospect of a dream within a dream could be, she had to experiment a little.
When she pulled the covers up, she was soon whisked away to a downward stairway with hands nearby, attempting to grab her. She walks down carefully as not to fall off the edges.
She now enters a hallway that has an elevator door and another room forward.
The elevator door looks the same as the one in the department store. Ignoring the elevator, she enters the next room, only to be blocked off from further progress by a huge fire.
She simply stands there, wondering where to go, when she hears a wooshing sound.
She looks behind herself and sees a fire extinguiser. She equips it and shoots out a little powder to get some practice with it.
After immediately putting out the fire, she slowly moves onward.

`Madotsuki looks around and sees this room as a storage facility of sorts,
similar to the one at school Monoe explained could be haunted by the previous janitor who worked there and eventually hung himself three years ago.`As she walks forth, she hears a disgusting series of noises from the other side of the storage shelves.
Suddenly, she is greeted by the sight of a hairy mouth blob with teeth.
Madotsuki at first cowers from the sight of such a monster, but soon realizes it's just like a dog:
It pants heavily, wimpers when not feeling well, and licks you when you're very close.
She scratches the back of it and pets it before moving onward to the next room.
The decor suddenly changes to a white, futuristic look, like something out of those SCIFI movies that She remembers seeing in Masada's bedroom when she visited yesterday.
She walks into the next room and sees a familiar face.
"SENSEI!" She cries happily as he turns to his left with a look of confusion.
She sees his eyes are pointing in opposite directions and he is now wearing a full black body suit.
She rushes to him and hugs him, almost crying with happiness.
He hugs her back and shh's her softly. The moment was all too real for Madotsuki and she didn't know what else to believe.
"Is this a spaceship?" She asks while still sniffling. He nods and moves his mouth to speak, but no words could ever be heard.

"Why... why can't I hear you speak?" She asks as she pulls away from him, but it was the same thing as before:He could make the lip motions, but no words could be heard.
She backs away from him and says, "Sensei, there must be something wrong here! This can't be right!"
He stares in pure confusion, as though he could not detect anything wrong with what he said.
The room's color was now flashing red and a loud alarm could be heard throughout the ship.
He suddenly rushes to the key board and starts hitting buttons.
She hold onto him and screams, "Whats going on?!?"
He turns his head to Madotsuki and holds onto her, as though this were a final moment he wants to cherish before possible annihilation from colliding with another planet.
As the planet's surface gets closer from the command center and the burning air friction gets louder, Madotsuki says, "Sensei... I... Love... yo-"

Last edited 10/09/29(Wed)19:00.

>> No.213   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285780511195.jpg -(1.1 MiB, 2816x2112) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

She and Masada feel as though their bodies were forced against the ground of the ship so hard and fast, they were fatally crushed instantly.
She jolts awake, heavily breathing, and finds Masada sitting in a nearby chair, enjoying a cup of coffee he had recently made.
"Madotsuki? Are you okay?" He asks with great concern.
"...Just a bad dream, sir." She replies, in a still shaken tone.
Though she knows that it was only a dream, it was so pure and beautiful in her head that,
if it were reality, she might have been okay with being killed from a collision course with mars, as long as she had Sensei Masada with her.
Masada gets up from the chair after finishing his cup of coffee and heads over to the kitchen to put his now empty cup into the dish washer.
Madotsuki says, "Sensei? I have a question."
Masada turns around after opening the washer door. "Shoot." He replies casually.
Madotsuki smiles a little and asks, "What day is your birthday?"
Masada, turning back to the dish washer, replies, "August 18th, this sunday. I'm going to turn 26."

`Madotsuki looks over and sees a picture on his counter.
It showed a much younger Masada standing next to a girl with short blondish hair and plaid-like greyish purple overshirt covering a slightly darker shirt along with a greyish blue skirt.`"Whose the person next to you in this picture?" She asks.
"That was back in high school, when I wasn't quite as skilled in musical instruments. She was a strange person who claimed to be from the future and wanted me to have a picture of us together.
I kept it around because I thought it was nice. She said her name was Urotsuki, or something?
I can't remember too well." He replies, looking at the picture as well.
Madotsuki soon hugs Masada goodbye and walks out the apartment door, still feeling warm and fuzzy while he was still in her mind.
A sight catches her eye as she was standing in the hallway:
Monoe is standing outside her door, looking at Madotsuki.
"Poniko may be right, you might be a little obsessed about the guy."
She says to Madotsuki.
Madotsuki glowers at Monoe and asks, "Is Monoko in there?"
Monoe nods and says, "But she and Poniko are playing Contra 3, and Poniko, from what I witnessed, has been screaming obscenities for the past 20 minutes.
I'm only out here so I actually have a chance to get rid of this head ache she gave me and not make it worse."

Monoe walks away from the door and Madotsuki opens it, only to be greeted with, "How the hell do I get passed the squiggly thing without dieing?"from a frustrated Poniko. "All in the timing." A surprisingly happy Monoko states.
Madotsuki walks over to where the action is and stands nearby. After dieing again, Poniko says, "Screw this, I'm done. Wheres Monoe?"
Madotsuki points to the door and watches as a still frustrated Poniko walks out the door and talks to Monoe.
Monoko turns off the game system and television while asking, "Am I the only one good at Contra?"
Madotsuki shrugs and walks into the kitchen. Upon opening the nearby refrigerator door,
she gasps as she sees the same upside down spike full of red liquid, this time being held in a special drink holder.
Monoko walks to where Madotsuki is and says, "Thats Monoe's 'Tokuto' cup. What ever is in it tastes really strong."
Madotsuki simply closes the refrigerator door and walks over to the couch.
She sits down on the couch, sprawls out, and closes her eyes, attempting to sleep again.
Monoko simply looks at Madotsuki, opens up a nearby bagel bag, and grabs a bagel.
"Mmm... bagels..." She thinks with a smile on her face as she looks at a clock that reads 8:32am.

Last edited 10/09/29(Wed)10:15.

>> No.214   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285804173673.jpg -(91.8 KiB, 591x439) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


All right! I'm all ready to roll now!

First off, congratulations on posting your first fanfic online. It takes courage to even take that step in the first place.

I believe that you have an interesting theme and concept here. It feels quite different from other Yume Nikki fics I've read in the past and rest assured that I mean that in a good way. However, the events feel slightly rushed (but the pacing in chapter three and fours is considerably less so) and I believe that a story like this could use a bit more detail. Madotsuki's visits to the dream world feel a bit too brief for my taste and while minimalistic writing styles can work excellently, this is not the right kind of story for that kind of style. You obviously have many ideas - don't hesitate to expand upon those ideas! Never be afraid to go all out with your ideas.

I also see some awkward mixing of past and present tense, but I realize such things can be rather tricky.

Please do continue~

>> No.215   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285814713410.jpg -(9106 B, 216x251) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Glad to see the review of this.

Your suggestions have been noted, and I'll also check very carefully for more than just mixed tenses.(Spelling errors, grammar errors, somehow missing words and letters, etc.)

I'm already attempting to start on chapter 5, but I'll have to think carefully about where I want it to go because I don't want to write myself into a corner.

>> No.216   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285873857156.png -(32 KiB, 300x300) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


I have a suggestion that might be helpful. I personally find that putting together a list of the events I plan for to happen in the story realy helps me whenever I try to write something longer. It doesn't have to be overly detailed, of course. Just a "I want X to have happened by chapter Y" or something similar is often enough, actually.

>> No.217   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285911185113.png -(8021 B, 409x258) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Here be attempt at trying to fix tenses and such.
Also, angryada is full of raeg
Alsoalso, Chapter 6 is in the making


Chapter 5: Oh, how I loathe thee...

The knob turns and Masada opens his apartment door. "What should I get for lunch today?"he ponders as he steps out and closes his door.
"A better question: How should I celebrate my birthday tomorrow?
Play my piano? Relax and maybe have Madotsuki over?
I cannot lie, she is a very sweet young girl, but I can't help the feeling that she might be a little obsessed about me."
He continues thinking as he locks the door and begins walking down the barren hallway.
As he walks by Monoe's door, he can't help but imagine what Monoe is doing right now.
"I wonder if she has fixed her computer up by now?
She downloaded a nasty virus last week and also just sent me an email this morning.
I never did open it, but I do have my suspicions."
He ponders as he walks down the hallway.
As he opens the door to the building, he immediately starts regretting the decision to wear a long black shirt with black pants due to how hot he will soon feel.
He walks down the old and very cracked sidewalk for several minutes until he sees a nearby McDonalds.

"I never had much money." He thinks as he approaches and opens the door to the restaurant.As he enters the restaurant and waits in line for service,
he notices a familiar face in the line, wearing the old green sweater and khaki pants.
"Shitai?" He asks curiously. "Seccom? It's been 4 years.
Hows life working out for you?" Shitai asks.
"I got a job as a music teacher. Nothing worth losing a kidney for, but it gets food on the table."
Masada answers.
"Hah! Only a lowly teacher? I'm going to be an office employee for a pretty awesome company."
Shitai answers proudly.
"I take it you start work pretty soon?" Masada asks while the line moves up.
"Yeah, in about a week or so, I'm not too certain. But I'll be moving up in the world soon enough."
Shitai replies and the line moves up by another person.
The two guys order their meals and sit at a nearby booth. "But really, Seccom, a teacher?
You don't get shit for income." Shitai states rather bluntly.
"It's the only line of work open at the moment."
Masada replies, staring out the window at the birds on the sidewalk.

"So, Seccom." Shitai opens up after a moment of awkward silence,"You're about to be 26. Feel like an old man yet?"
Masada lets out a sigh and continues to stare out the window, this time at a woman with a shoe on her head.
"I get it, you're sensitive about it." Shitai continues, "I'd be too if I didn't look as awesome as myself."
Shitai's gut rumbles, "Excuse me, but I gotta drop the kids off at the pool."
As Shitai walks to the bathroom, Madotsuki suddenly spots Masada in a booth and approaches him.
"Who was that guy?" She asks.
"Someone who doesn't deserve half the stuff given to him." Masada replies with a cold tone.
Madotsuki asks, "Why do you take such words from him?"
Masada replies, "Because I feel that he will get what he has coming to him soon enough."
Shitai soon leaves the bathroom and sees Madotsuki as he picks up his food.
"Seccom, whose the girl?" He asks as he walks back to the booth.
"A student who saw me here." Masada replies as he gets up for his food.
Shitai looks at Madotsuki and then raises his eye brows.
"So... how old are you?" He asks.
Madotsuki's face only displays a stern look.
She soon says in a monotone voice, "I hate you already."

Shitai gives her a strange look and says, "Damn, tough crowd."Masada walks back with his box of chicken nuggets.
"Your student is awfully rude there, 'sensei'. Why don't you teach her a lesson?"
Shitai asks mockingly, eating part of his burger.
Masada, with some chicken nugget still in his mouth, glares at Shitai.
"You okay?" Shitai asks.
Masada swallows the food in his mouth and says,
"No. Ever since we opened dialogue, you made it apparent that you haven't grew up one bit since the end of high school.
You get offered some corporate job that will earn you at least ¥4000 an hour, not including any contracting jobs that may present themselves later;
yet, you still come off as a totally ignorant asshole that couldn't complete a day of work if you tried.
While I busted my head open getting those grades and being stuck with a teacher job,
you were a lazy pile of shit that barely got anything done and suddenly find yourself with more money opportunities than I could ever dream!"

Shitai stares at Masada silently and then says, "Woah... I didn't realize that someone was butthurt about all this."Masada gets up from the table with his chicken nuggets and says,
"That is your epic retort? Just a minor insult?"
Shitai says, "You're just jealous that I'm a better person than you in every way.
I get girls better, I get money better...
hell, I even get men better, just so you can't fall back on anyone...
and I can also get your little student as well if I wanted, but I'd rather not lower myself to screwing your ugly bitch.
I'd rather use my valuable semen to fill up something that deserves to be called a girl!"
Masada says, "You can say hello to the grill of an oncoming vehicle for all I care."
he looks at Madotsuki and calmly says, "C'mon, Madotsuki, let's go."
As Masada and Madotsuki walk away, Shitai yells,
"Just think, Masada, I will eventually dominate you in every possible way!
First your girlfriend, then your job market, and next stop, your very existence!"

Last edited 10/10/01(Fri)22:17.

>> No.218   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1285910820032.jpg -(247.4 KiB, 512x512) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

`As Masada and Madotsuki walk down the street to the apartment building,
Madotsuki looks up at him and asks, "Are you okay?"
Masada stays silent.
The rest of the trip back to the apartment building was plagued by awkward tension and silence,
but they both encounter Monoe in the hallway of the first floor.
"Masada? You look bothered by something." she states with concern,
but he simply raises his hand to silence her as he walks by.
He soon unlocks his door and, after opening the door and walking through his apartment hallway,
parks himself in a nearby chair.
His face still retains a foul look. "You can have the rest of my nuggets if you want.

They'll go in the trash otherwise." He states, pointing at the box he placed on the kitchen table.
Madotsuki takes the nuggets and says, "Thank you, sensei."
His foul look lightens noticeably when he finds Madotsuki hugging him.
"I really like you a lot..." She says calmly to him.
He continues to lighten up until his face shows nothing but a small smile.

Madotsuki climbs up the front end of the chair and positions herself on Masada's lap."Madotsuki? Why are you on my lap?" He asks.
"It's warm and feels good." She simply says while resting against his chest.
The door knocks and Masada groans, "If it's that prick again..." he mutters.
Madotsuki climbs off of him so he can get up and answer the door.
He stumbles his way to the door and opens it.
"Monoko?" He asks, "This is not what I expected."
"Monoe sent me to here ask if you got an email from her from the past couple days." Monoko asks.
Masada nods and says, "I didn't open though."
"Just delete it... wait, do I smell nuggets?!" Monoko excitedly asks after picking up the smell.
"You can come in if you want." He says, just before being pushed out of the way in favor of chicken nuggets.
Monoko sees Madotsuki, at the kitchen table, eating nuggets and asks, "May I have some?"
Madotsuki nods and moves the box between them at the table.
As Madotsuki and Monoko share the last of the nuggets, Masada walks to the bathroom in the hallway.
A moment later, the two girls say goodbye and Monoko exits the apartment while Madotsuki walks to her favorite chair.
She cozily sits in the chair and relaxes herself almost completely.
After closing her eyes and slowing her breathing down to only a fraction of what it once was, her conscience whisks away to the dream world.

Madotsuki finds herself this time in a desert region, with nearby dried plant life and brown dirt.the wind occasionally blows a warm gust against her face, making her cough from the dirt that it carries.
The high noon sun shines brightly and it showers the area with utra violet rays, toasting anyone or anything foolish enough to stay out for a long while.
The temperature, surprisingly, isn't quite as warm as it would look.
As she takes her first few sandy steps in the dunes, she sees the grey suited man already.
"Before you go any further, take this." He says, offering a knife to her.
She takes it and, before she could ask why, he leaves as suddenly as he appeared.
Feeling as though she shouldn't doubt the grey suited man, Madotsuki wanders on further into the desert, being careful for any threats and dangers she may encounter.
As she trudges to the west, she eventually discovers a strange sight:
Three full sized toriningen and a childlike toriningen in a picnic setting,
enjoying a variety of dishes that Madotsuki couldn't immediately identify.
The first toriningen speaks,
"Alice, did you really have to bring Pipi along? She's just a little runt."
The second toriningen speaks,
"Hey, fuck you pal, at least she can actually make use that godawful drink that some guy left a keg of here."
The third toriningen speaks,
"Both of you, shut up. I'm trying to get a nice tan here and you two aren't making it very fun."
Madotsuki readies herself in the nearby bushel, with her knife equipped in case if they see her.

Last edited 10/10/02(Sat)11:21.

>> No.219   [Delete]   [Edit]

"Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you!"

Chapter 6: Hopelessness, followed by confusion

The three normal toriningen are still bickering about menial things while Madotsuki continues to scout the area.The childlike toriningen, 'Pipi' she has been refered to as, holds her cup out and says, "Alice! More drink, please!"
The second toriningen, named alice, takes the cup and places it under the nozzle of a nearby steel keg.
"Shelly, I still wonder why we were sent here of all places." She asks as she pulls down the tap.
"The master said something about a little girl being here, I'd assume?
I don't know, he might be hitting the dream fuel a bit harder than usual." Shelly replies.
The third toriningen says while putting on some cheap sunglasses, "Less talky, more roasty!"
Pipi casually looks around until she sees the soft glimmer of light from Madotsuki's knife.
"KNIFE!" She screams while pointing in Madotsuki's general direction.

The two toriningen immediately spot her and assume combat stance."Fuck! She has a blade!" Shelly yells.
The third toriningen quickly gets up and also enters a combat stance. "Someone disarm her!" She says.
Pipi just sits idly, terrified for her life.
Madotsuki jumps out from the bush and readies herself for battle.
For the first time ever, she now has to fight for her life against three attackers; each with a size and number advantage.
Beads of sweat roll down her head as she eyes each toriningen for oncoming attacks while making sure nothing is going to jump out from behind.
Shelly charges at her and swipes at Madotsuki with her claws, but barely misses her by an inch.
Madotsuki retaliates by brutally stabbing the toriningen in the face.
When removing the knife from the toriningen's skull, streams and sprays of blood lightly shower the area while the body hits the floor like a bag of sand.
Madotsuki suddenly feels astonished that she actually killed something with her knife and Alice takes advantage of the moment by grabbing Madotsuki's right arm and then disarming her.
The third toriningen takes a nearby weapon from under the picnic blanket, a high powered rifle, and aims it at Madotsuki.
"Play time is over. Alice, hold her still. Pipi, contact the boss with the nearby radio and report that we lost one and got the target."

Pipi nervously nods and picks up a radio from a picnic basket from before."W-we got her, s-sir!" She nervously states.
"While we're waiting for the boss..." The armed toriningen speaks, "Pipi, be a good girl and secure Madotsuki..."
Alice looks at the armed toriningen strangely and asks, "Then what would I do, Marina?"
Marina points her rifle at Alice and pulls the trigger, instantly killing Alice as a small stream of fluid flies out of her head.
"Now, do what I told you, Pipi. I have already set an example of what happens to failures." She continues smugly.
Pipi, mostly out of fear, holds Madotsuki by the arms from behind her. "Please don't resist or she'll kill us too." Pipi whispers into Madotsuki's ear.
Marina soon begins laughing maniacally, accidently firing off a shot and nearly getting Madotsuki in the chest.
The situation has turned from her against an organized team to her and a little toriningen girl being held hostage by a crazed adult.

"Now. I know we're all scared of the big bad boom stick..."Marina speaks calmly, not aware of whats going on behind her, "...but let me assure you, Pipi, that you're going to be free after this is done. Now, anyone know how much longer until-"
She speaks until she gets bludgeoned in the head with a wooden board.
"Good job, Pipi." Monoe says, overlooking the scene while still holding her now broken board.
Pipi lets go of Madotsuki and asks, "What if she wakes up?"
Monoe picks up the rifle and points it at Marina. "She'll not be in the mood to chat. Also, look away." Monoe replies as she soon blows the toriningen's head clean off.
Madotsuki looks around, horribly confused and without a clue of what just happened.
"Madotsuki, I had Pipi 'accidentally' fumble with the channel setting so it would contact me instead of 'The Boss'."
Still confused, Madotsuki decides not to bother with thinking about it too much. "Where do we go now?" She asks.
Monoe raises her right eye brow and says, "Not much else to go. Also, is that my keg?" Monoe asks as she sees the steel keg.

"Drink!" Pipi says, putting her mouth on the nozzle and pulling down the tap.Monoe giggles to herself as she watches Pipi guzzle down the green drink keg's contents.
"It's going to smell like a paper mill." She says, still smiling.
Madotsuki at first raises her eye brow at Monoe, but then soon shudders about the thought.
As Madotsuki stands around, she sees a strange obsidian coin on the picnic blanket.
She picks it up and finds it labeled, "308, 8-18-2008"
When she stops examining the coin for more inscriptions, she turns around to find Pipi on the nearby sand, burping up a little green fluid.
"Too much drink..." She says before closing her eyes to sleep. Madotsuki approaches Monoe, who is still amused by Pipi's antics, and asks, "Anyway out of here?"
Monoe points eastward and says, "Go eastward until the vegetation starts getting too thick, then head north until you reach the barracks. The guys there can help you the rest of the way."
Madotsuki hugs Monoe goodbye and picks up her dropped knife before leaving.
The sand looks roughly the same along with the cacti and rare bushels, and after 10 minutes of walking finds the vegetation to be too thick to press onward.
She turns north and starts walking again until she sees the gate of the barracks.
An iron fence stretches from one side of the gate all the way around the camp to the other side.

Last edited 10/10/02(Sat)07:22.

>> No.220   [Delete]   [Edit]

She walks through the gate and looks at the scenery.
The buildings, despite being made of stone walls with metal roofs, look old and tattered enough to break down soon.
A lone wooden power pole juts from the ground, with a piece of paper nailed to it.
"What a miserable place..." She mutters as she sees a nearby person, wearing a dark grey cloak.
"Excuse me, sir?" She asks.
His head, judging by the cloak, turns toward her, but doesn't make a sound at all as he soon turns his head back to where it once was.
Feeling as though Monoe only wanted to get rid of her, she wonders if anyone can talk in this place.
As she sees another person when walking through the barracks, she approaches him and says, "Hi there!"
He turns around and, this time, lets out a noise similar to an ice cream truck song.
She suddenly whisks away to another area, this time a grassy area surrounded by trees.
She sees a house to the east and walks towards it.
As she touches the door knob, she hears something rub against the wall and hit the floor with a thud.
She opens the door to find the Grey Suited Man from before. he starts to walk towards her and, despite Madotsuki closing the door, follow her relentlessly.
"Who are you?!" She asks, freaked out at this point.
He reaches out a gray hand, once again it smells of rotting meat.

She closes her eyes as she feels a stinging pain in her head when he comes in contact with her forehead.

"Trust me, you'll visit 308 if you want to know something." He states before Madotsuki hears a whooshing sound, followed by seeing the area fade away to white.
The white area slowly turns dark and the whooshing still increases bit by bit as the seconds pass.
Eventually, the sound peaks and she quickly jolts awake.
Still in the chair in Masada's living room, she looks around to see if anything somehow changed.
Though everything seems normal, she feels something in her right pocket that she didn't notice before.
After reaching into her pocket for the unfamiliar object, she grabs it and removes it from her pocket.
Madotsuki's face displays a frightened look as she holds the coin from her dreams, with the "308" inscription and all.
She hops out of the chair and looks over to the kitchen clock.
"4:45pm? Oh boy..." She thinks as she walks toward Masada's bedroom door.
She knocks on it twice, but doesn't here anything.
After boldly deciding what to do, she opens the door slowly and quietly to find Masada is asleep on the bed, snoozing away silently.
She climbs up and whispers into his ear, "Sleep well, Sensei."
She kisses him softly on the cheek and hops off the bed to exit the room.
Feeling a little bit hungry, she stops by his fridge and opens the door.
Inside she sees some left over chicken, some soup from a diner, some wine, some milk,
and some of the "Home made fire cake" Monoko made.

She closes the fridge and opens the pantry. Madotsuki immediately starts drooling from all the food the guy has.

Chips, crackers, marshmellows, cans of beans, tortillas, dried noodles, hot sauce, blueberry bagels...
"Wow... Sensei sure knows how to eat." She says as she looks at everything.
She takes the box of crackers from the pantry and carries them with her to Masada's room.
As she walks through the doorway and climbs up the bed, she pops a cracker into her mouth as she watches Masada sleeping.
He starts waking up from the noises Madotsuki makes chewing the cracker.
"Madotsuki?" He asks, rubbing his eyes "Why are you in my room, and eating crackers on the bed?"
She shrugs as she hops off the bed.
He soon gets off the bed as well and follows her into the kitchen where she puts the box back in the pantry.
"Sensei?" She asks, "I saw this coin in a dream and found it in my pocket after waking up. I don't remember picking it up before I slept. What does this mean?"
He replies, "Maybe someone put it in your pocket when you were asleep? Though, that would be impossible, after I locked the door while you were asleep."
She asks, "I might have a stalker?"
He gives her a stern look and says, "Madotsuki, try not to think about it right now. I'm sure there is a logical reason for it."
She nods and hugs him goodbye. As she exits the apartment, Masada sits in a nearby chair and thinks,
"A coin she found in a dream that somehow carried over to the real world? Something doesn't sound right with that at all."

Madotsuki is walking down the hallway and comes across Monoe's room.

She opens the door and walks down the apartment hallway, where she sees Monoe playing Snake Eater and Poniko as a spectator on the couch.
"Not going to lie, Monoe, you're terrible at this game." Poniko comments as she watches Monoe die ingame.
"Excuse me for not playing Metal Gear Solid religiously since its debut." Monoe responds.
Poniko simply laughs as she grabs her drink from the nearby coffee table.
"Hey, Mado." Poniko greets just before belching.
"Poniko, your breath doesn't smell too bad..." Monoe says with her eye brow raised.
"You're not so bad yourself." Poniko replies, softly feeling Monoe's face with her hand.
"Stop it." Monoe sharply utters. Poniko, quick to learn, goes back to her side on the couch.
Madotsuki simply walks away into the sisters' bedroom and sees Monoko at the computer, playing Super C on an NES emulator.
"Hi Mado!" She happily says after pausing the game.
Madotsuki says, "I found a coin labeled '308, 8-18-2008' in my pocket after waking up from a dream. I think something is going on."
Monoko just stares at Madotsuki and says, "I can't help you with that."
Madotsuki sighs and says goodbye to Monoko.
She leaves the apartment and casually walks toward the stairs.

When Madotsuki goes up the stairs and reaches the fourth floor, she walks to her door. She opens the door and walks to her room.

"Urgh... I need to right this stuff down..." She mumbles.
She begins writing, "August 17th, 2008; I saw Sensei at the McDonalds today.
He was angry at someone and said some hurtful things, but the guy he talked to seemed like a pretty big jerk.
After we got back to Sensei's place, he let me have the rest of his chicken nuggets.
Monoko knocked on the door and came in to help with eating the chicken nuggets after telling him about deleting an email.
I took a long nap and woke up later with a weird coin in my pocket.
It read out as '308, 8-18-2008', like it's hinting to something happening tomorrow.
I'll find out about it soon enough."
She closes her journal and sits down on the floor to play some NASU.
As the opening theme starts, she presses the start button and begins playing.
After reaching a score of 317 and failing to catch the eggplant in time, she is greeted by the game over screen.
The time is now 5:34pm.
She turns off her old television set and famicom.

>> No.221   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1286043282755.jpg -(37.6 KiB, 511x480) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Chapter 7 is underway and it will be at least five parts, due to how massive I plan it to be.

Also, have more cat.

>> No.222   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1286052576097.jpg -(114.8 KiB, 745x768) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

I really like this. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Dunno if this has been suggested yet, but you should post it up on fanfiction.net, too.
It'd be much easier to read than /lit/ posts if you want to go back to it.

Last edited 10/10/02(Sat)13:49.

>> No.223   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1286061019808.png -(96 KiB, 1280x1024) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Made account, but I gotta wait a few a little while before I can upload the stuff I have already done.

Also, fun with MS paint.

Last edited 10/10/02(Sat)16:10.

>> No.224   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1286065404061.jpg -(133.3 KiB, 600x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Yea, the waiting period is really lame.
You have to save the writing in a Microsoft Word document and then upload that to the site, by the way.
I'll make sure to follow you for the rest of the story - My username is full of the letter x and has the word Music in it, of course.

>> No.225   [Delete]   [Edit]

Spending the night, transcribing chapters into word documents from the text file.

It's going to cut into my time that actually consists of working on chapter 7, but I'll be happy that I'll get it out of the way first so I don't have to do it later.

Also, I'm not going through the trouble of posting Chapter 7 on here. I'll just link it when I'm finally done with it.

Last edited 10/10/02(Sat)19:58.

>> No.227   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1286228788149.png -(37 KiB, 279x331) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.


Omg ported all chapters to FF dawt net!
Now you all can enjoy the chapters in better formatting!

Last edited 10/10/04(Mon)14:53.

>> No.228   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1286330154123.jpg -(26 KiB, 300x400) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Chapter 7 is finally done.
Please read it and tell me how good or bad or huh it was.

Edit: Also, new small chapters may also be posted here.

Last edited 10/10/09(Sat)15:52.

>> No.234   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1286665521684.png -(192.6 KiB, 679x675) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Edit: Cleaned up MS word related puke.

Chapter 8: A Strange Surprise

`Nearly two months go by after Masada's trip to the hospital
and Madotsuki's first encounter with Uboa as the fall season starts to kick in.`Masada had slowly gotten used to the school work and responsibilities of adulthood, which eventually reduced his after work stress.
Madotsuki, ever since she had been visiting Masada at least once a day,
was in a cheery mood each weekday morning as she walked to the bus stop with Monoko.
As of now, Madotsuki is writing into her diary,
"October 19th, 2008; Mom and dad are busy, trying to arrange where I should stay while they are on their business trip.
At first, they called Monoko's parents about this, but they heard that Monoko was grounded for the week and she wasn't allowed to have friends over.
As soon as my father mentioned the possibility of staying as Sensei's,
my mother became overly protective and didn't want me to be possibly harmed by him."

Madotsuki closes her diary and walks out of her bedroom,`eager to pick up on how the discussion regarding her temporary residence is going.
As she walks closer to the living room, she hears,
"Dear, I don't think Masada will do anything horrible with our daughter.
Besides, I asked about him at Monoko's apartment just last week and her parents said that he was a responsible person when he babysat for Monoko several years ago." Her father says.
"I still don't feel comfortable with our daughter around him. He looks like he is just begging for trouble." Her mother replies.
"But here's the kicker: We don't have another choice.
It's either him or send her to my brother's house, and I'll be damned if I send her there again,
especially after what happened four years ago!" Her father says, losing his patience.
Madotsuki shudders as she remembers what happened.
She was only seven when her uncle tried to molest her in his bedroom while her parents were in the living room, enjoying a television movie.

Her father came in after hearing screams and saw his brother with his pants off.She remembered the police showing up five minutes later, arresting her uncle,
as she was being driven home, still terrified from the encounter.
"You drive a hard bargain...¦ fine, we'll have her be with the music teacher.
I guess he can't be as bad as your brother" Her mother says reluctantly.
"Madotsuki, pack your closet suitcases, you'll be staying with Sensei Masada!" Her father yells.
"Yes sir!" She replies, heading back to her room to pack up.
A while later at Masada's apartment, he sits on his bed, reading a science fiction novel.
"It's funny how the robot was the actual antagonist." He thinks as he turns a page.
Just then, he hears knocking at the door. Raising his eyebrow as he puts in a book mark, he hops off his bed and walks to the door.
He opens the door to find Madotsuki and her parents.
"Hello. We're going on a business trip tomorrow from Monday to next Friday.
Are you willing to accept Madotsuki as a house guest for at least 11 days?"
Masada's eyes widen at the news and says nervously,
"S-sure... I'll be happy to keep her for a while." As Madotsuki walks into the apartment with her suitcase, her father shifts his glasses.

"Sensei, keep in mind that you will have to do a damn good job keeping her safe and out of trouble.You could already tell that my wife doesn't have a lot of faith in you." Her father says very sternly.
As her parents and Masada say goodbye, her father says, "Also, one more thing..."
As Masada raises his eyebrow, her father makes a motion with his finger, sliding it across his own throat.
Masada gulps as he closes the door, worried that the girl's stay will not end happily.
Madotsuki follows Masada into his kitchen as he looks at the nearby clock reading 7:58pm.
"Don't worry, Sensei... Dad isn't going to hurt you at all..." Madotsuki says affectionately.
Masada says as he walks to the fridge, "Well, now that you're here, make yourself at home."
Madotsuki plops herself onto a chair nearby and lets out a sigh of relief.
Masada walks out of the kitchen with a canned drink and asks, "What would you like to do tonight?"
She replies softly, "Sit with you and enjoy the ambiance."
Masada shrugs and sits in the other chair with his drink, occasionally sipping from it.
Several minutes go by and Madotsuki starts to fall asleep.
Her vision starts to get harder to maintain and, soon enough, she gives in.
She whisks away to the dream world, but this time, something doesn't feel right.

She looks around and finds herself in the desert like region again,
but sees a huge stairway leading upwards on a pyramid shaped building.
Honestly without an idea where else to go, Madotsuki begins her long trek up the stairway.
As she trudges onward, she looks behind herself and sees a swirling figure in the air from a long distance.
She watches curiously for a moment before realizing that the figure won't fall to the ground anytime soon so she continues walking up.
She reaches the top and sees a large opening to a big block in front of her, like a temple entrance.
She walks through it and comes out in a park area, similar to the one that Monoe loves to visit every week.
She looks northeast and sees Monoe and Poniko sitting at a park bench, with Monoe being wrapped up in Poniko's arms.
Madotsuki walks over to the girls and asks, "Am I interrupting something?"
Poniko immediately lets go of Monoe and says, "Oh no, we weren't doing anything... honestly."
Monoe turns to Poniko and says in a happy tone, "Weren't you just admitting your crush to me and that you also wanted to-"
before she gets her mouth covered by Poniko's hand. "Shut it, you!" Poniko quickly mouths off furiously.

As Madotsuki finds it harder to keep herself from laughing as the moment continues,
Poniko asks, "So what's up? How's it going?"
Madotsuki replies, "I didn't know that there was a park here!"
Monoe says, "This place is awesome. The trees, the plants, the nice comfy park benches...
even the noisy fireworks display going on towards the south east is quite nice."
Madotsuki waves goodbye to the girls before leaving them to their privacy.
Madotsuki, judging how Monoe looks ever so curiously at Poniko with a bright pink blush in her cheeks,
grins as she walks away, knowing what is going to happen next as she walks to where Monoe said was the fireworks display.
She sees a small crowd of people near the edge of the cliff, next to the park's gardening shed.
Not retaining any interest in the fireworks, she walks into the shed and finds it to be darker and bigger than it looks on the outside.
As she walks through the inside of the shed, she sees white flowers nearby with one at the end of her path.
She kneels down and touches the flower gracefully. She hears a soft sound ring through her ears and sees a white flash for a brief second before she gets back up.
She now sees flower petals fall in from above and closes her eyes.

Last edited 10/10/09(Sat)16:25.

>> No.235   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1286666014449.jpg -(32 KiB, 500x554) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

After coming back to her senses, she opens her eyes and walks out of the shed,
only to find that the park is gone and she is now in a large, cavernous area.
The walls are light gray and the ceiling is pure black along with the floor.
A strange machine noise can be heard occasionally as she walks through, examining the bleak area.
A ghostly being suddenly appears, taking her on by surprise, and floats around her curiously.
Madotsuki, interested in the ghost, asks, “Hello, who are you?” The ghost doesn’t reply and vanishes from sight.
Suddenly the sound of footsteps could be heard and she makes it straight to where the shed was once,
but she sees the gray suited man standing in front of the door.
“Shouldn’t you be somewhere happy? Like the fireworks display?” He asks in a mocking tone.
“Get out of my way!” She says, brandishing her knife.
“You want to compare weapons?” He says, equipping a long sword.
She dodges his slash and runs past him, looking for the flower.
She kneels before it and, before the gray suited man could hit her with a devastating strike, touches it gently. She gets up and looks behind herself, but doesn’t see the gray suited man anymore.
“He’s gone…” She thinks as she turns around to exit the shed.
She soon emerges from the shed and walks back to Monoe and Poniko, just as curious about their ‘fun’ as ever.
She walks to the park bench and breathes in to speak, but doesn’t see anyone there.
“Strange, they were here a second ago.” She mutters as she looks around nearby.
She sees, near a tree to the south, a blobby cyan creature that slowly drips from the ‘head’.
She says, “H-hello?” It nervously warps behind her. She turns around and gives it a nasty look.
As she walks toward the exit of the garden area, the sound of thunder rolls as the exit mysteriously vanishes in an instant.
The sky turns red and the ground turns brown as a voice calls out,
“Madotsuki, your evasion will lead to the deaths of many in this world!”
She turns around and runs toward the fireworks display,
only to be greeted by the sight of Uboa’s blob form in the air, wildly spinning in circles as lightning strikes the area,
obliterating anyone foolishly standing still for more than a moment.
She stares in horror as she watches him cackle maniacally,
destroying the park with each bolt of lightning. “You shouldn’t have come, Madotsuki! Now you will die!”
He yells as lightning strikes her before she could react, instantly jolting her awake.
She, thankfully, finds herself in the chair, but sadly doesn’t see Masada in the room.
She gets up from the chair and drags her suitcases to Masada’s room to find him on the bed in his bathrobe, reading a book.
“Madotsuki, where to you plan to sleep?” He asks calmly. “In the bed.” She replies casually.
“That leaves the couch for me, then.” He says, attempting to get off the bed before Madotsuki replies swiftly, “We can share the bed together!”
He stares at her with a stern look and says, “I don’t know if that would be even remotely legal…”
She looks into his eyes and asks sadly, “Sensei, please?”
He sighs and says, “Alright, we’ll be together in bed, but I don’t want to engage in anything weird.”
She happily hugs him and, after getting her pajamas from one of the bags, walks to the bathroom.
Masada just sits still and thinks, “This is only going to end badly for me… either I’ll get a prison sentence or her parents will murder me…”
He opens up a nearby book on his end table and thinks, “Though, maybe Madotsuki is a bit more modest about things than her father is…”
He shrugs and, as he attempts to start on the page he last left off, hears Madotsuki yell,
“Sensei! Do you have another shampoo bottle?” He hops off the bed and enters the bathroom.
As he grabs a bottle from under the counter, he says, “I got one.”
He knocks on the glass door and, when Madotsuki opens the door slightly, hands her the bottle.
“Thank you.” She says warmly. He walks out of the bathroom and climbs on the bed.
Masada rests his head on a pillow and looks over at the clock to his left.
“9:12pm… almost time for bed…” After a while, the water stops and Masada thinks,
“Maybe this won’t go too badly at all…”
Madotsuki exits the bathroom in her pajamas with a towel wrapped around her head.
“What time do you have to get up for school?” She asks.
“Usually 5:30, leave the apartment at 6:30, and begin the fifteen to twenty minute drive.”
Masada replies, not moving his head at all.
Madotsuki walks back into the bathroom, scrubbing her hair with the towel, and reaches for a comb.
When she finishes combing her hair, she exits the bathroom and climbs up the bed.
“Ready for bed, Sensei?” She asks with enthusiasm.
He nods and pulls the covers. Warm thoughts flood Madotsuki’s head as she grabs one of Masada’s pillows and rests her head against it while only anxiety fills Masada’s head.
He turns off the nearby lamp and closes his eyes.
Soon, he feels Madotsuki’s hand rest on his chest and he starts to feel slightly calmer.
“Dawn of the first day, roughly 250 or so hours remain.”
He thinks as he slowly drifts off to sleep.

>> No.236   [Delete]   [Edit]

Chapter 9: Rough start

A younger Seccom Masada chases after a laughing Urotsuki over a bridge in the country side.
It was only a few seconds later, after passing several thin trees, that Masada finally wraps his hands around her chest while smiling.
“That was the most fun I’ve had in weeks!” Masada says, panting heavily.
“Same here! Also, it’s funny how we are such good friends after only four days of meeting!”
Urotsuki replies, trying to lighten up a little. They both lie down on the soft wet grass and look into the sky.
“I have to say that you’re a bit faster than I expected, Seccom.” She speaks again.
Masada gently laughs and replies, “I might not be the fastest kid in school, but I can run when I need to.”
Urotsuki places her left hand on Masada’s right hand and whispers into his ear,
“You know? I think I can see us hanging out together quite a bit. Strange how a blondish weirdo like me is getting together with a somewhat promising musician.”
She nuzzles up to his head and whispers again, “Maybe if I don’t have to go anywhere anytime soon, we can get really intimate.”
Masada’s eyes open widely and he shoots a small load of blood from his nose.
Urotsuki looks at the blood stain on his shirt and says in a light tone, “Well… that is if you don’t die from blood loss.”
They both share a small laugh together and Urotsuki rolls on her side to wrap her right arm around his chest.
Masada smiles as he feels so happy and amazed how his day,
ever since he decided to hang out with Urotsuki in the country, went from being miserable to feeling like a king after eating a delicious feast.
He closes his eyes and lets out a sigh to express his contentment. It seemed like nothing was going to ruin his day at all.
Suddenly, as he opens his eyes to look at his friend, he instead sees Monoe running away and the scenery has changed from the Japanese country side to the nearby park.
Confused, and without an idea of what is going on, he immediately gets up from his place on the grass and looks around.
He finds a mirror on the ground and looks into it, seeing his older self in the reflection.
He tosses the mirror away and starts running, horrified of what is happening to him.
He soon reaches the end of the park and sees a burning building with the voices of little girls screaming.
“What the hell is going on?!” He yells in utter consternation.
He hears someone approach him from behind and turns around to see Madotsuki’s father, with a loaded revolver in his hand.
“You left my daughter in there?!” He asks furiously as he clicks the hammer of the weapon.
Before Masada could speak at all, the gun goes off, plunging a bullet into his chest and jolting him awake.
He quickly rises from the bed, breathing heavily, and looks around.
Madotsuki was still in bed, resting peacefully, and the stuff in the bedroom seemed normal.
He relaxes a little as he looks at the clock on the end table.
“5:26am… might as well get up now and get it over with.” He thinks as he leans over to turn off the alarm and gets out of bed.
He gets his clothes from the nearby dresser, along with his suit from the closet, and walks into the bathroom.
He sighs and, after closing the door, starts undressing.
The air in the bathroom, surprisingly cold, makes Masada shiver as he walks into the shower chamber and starts up the water.
The warm water does little to calm him down as he begins washing his hair.
“I wonder if I have to wake her up, or if she is going to wake up by herself?” He asks himself as he rinses himself off.
Minutes pass before he turns off the water and walks out of the shower chamber to grab a towel.
He hears knocking on the bathroom door and he says, “Madotsuki, I’m busy drying myself off. Give me a moment.”
Madotsuki stands at the door and says half asleep, “Okay, sensei.” She walks back to the bed and climbs up the side of it.
A minute passes by and Masada opens the door, wearing his school teacher attire.
She hops off the bed and says, “My turn.” Masada simply nods as he exits the bedroom and walks into the kitchen.
Madotsuki grabs her school clothes from her suit cases and, after setting up a nice afternoon set to use on the bed, and walks into the bathroom.
After a moment, she is now in the shower room, washing herself and feeling happy.
“I’ve never stayed at Masada’s place before… what I should have for breakfast?” She ponders as she continues to wash up.
Several minutes pass and Madotsuki turns off the water.
She exits the shower chamber and grabs a towel to dry herself off.
As she scrubs away at her body with the towel, she sees a letter on the bathroom floor, dated April 24rd, 1998.
She reads, “My dear Masada, I cannot stay any longer.
My business needs to be taken elsewhere, for there is someone I need to visit that cannot wait any longer.
She is in grave danger and, if I’m not quick enough, she may die before I get there.
Please understand that we may never see each other again for a very long time,
even if things go successfully. With love, Urotsuki.”
She places it on the counter and, after making sure that she isn’t going to leave water puddles wherever she goes,
puts on her school clothes before exiting the bathroom.
She walks out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen, where she meets Masada, eating jam toast.
“Cereal is in the pantry. You know where it is.” He says as he raises the slice of bread to his mouth.
Madotsuki walks to the pantry and grabs the box of cereal in sight.
She grabs a bowl and, as she fills it with cereal, asks,
“Sensei? Were you good friends with Urotsuki?” Masada nearly chokes on his toast from the sudden mention of her name and,
after recovering slightly, replies, “We were… but that was such a long time ago.”
Madotsuki walks to the fridge and opens it.
She grabs the milk and, after closing the door, takes it to the kitchen table along with the cereal.
She pours the milk onto the cereal and, while walking to the kitchen, asks, “What’s it like being a teacher?”
Masada answers after finishing up his last piece of toast,
“It’s like I never left the horrible class room I was forced to learn things in, except I now have to pay for someone else’s bad karma.”

>> No.237   [Delete]   [Edit]

Madotsuki laughs as she walks back to the table after putting milk back in the fridge.
As she sits down and starts eating her cereal, Masada gets up and walks to the kitchen sink with his toast dish.
He puts the dish into the sink and says, “Just put your bowl in the sink. I’ll load up the dishwasher before we’ll leave.”
Madotsuki nods as she begins eating her cereal. Masada walks to apartment door and opens it to see a newspaper is already here.
He picks up a newspaper and opens it up, only to be in complete shock from the headline.
He closes the door solemnly as he walks towards the kitchen table and, as he sits at his usual place, he presses his hand against his forehead with a somber look.
Madotsuki sees Masada and asks with concern, “What’s wrong, sensei?”
He reads from the beginning potion of the story under the headline,
“A young man, identified to be age 24 Shitai, had been found dead in the middle of the country side road after he was assumed to be hit by a school bus.
Officials, after investigating the scene, have determined that Shitai was under the influence of alcohol...”
Madotsuki swallows some cereal and says, “I thought you hated the guy.” Masada puts the newspaper down and says,
“I wanted him to grow up and accept responsibility. I didn’t want him to actually get hit by a bus.”
Madotsuki stays silent as she continues to eat the cereal, until she finishes the last of the bowl’s contents.
She walks to the kitchen with the bowl and places it gently in the sink.
Masada gets up from the table and starts walking towards the bathroom, while Madotsuki yells,
“Sensei? When do we leave?” He stops in his tracks and replies, “When I’m done in the bathroom and you’re ready.”
She walks to the nearby living room chairs and plops herself into one.
She closes her eyes and starts humming a happy theme. “I’ll never understand Sensei at this rate.”
She thinks as she slowly starts to lose conscience. She feels the familiar whisk and finds herself in the same place as she dreamed of the first time she slept at Masada’s:
The long road, the trees, the rain, and even the large tunnel to the east.
This time, she sees Shitai’s lifeless body on the road, blood accumulating around his pants and sweater along with parts of his face decomposing.
The sight of such a body is making Madotsuki nauseous enough to start vomiting her breakfast.
She also sees traffic cones around him, blocking off any way to progress westward.
As she walks to the east, she sees a strange person with a pink and red jelly fish head and red long thin drapes covering its body.
Without the ability to tell if it is really a living creature, she softly touches its head. The sound of a wind chime play and she suddenly whisks away to a strange white world.
The scenery looks extremely basic, like someone drew it with a black marker on a white board.
As she walks several steps eastward, a strange white puffy creature spontaneously appears and starts hovering around her in circles.
Initially freaked out by the creature, she starts running eastward until she sees a cave with a strange person in front of it.
“Hey, little girl.” He says with an overly enthusiastic tone. She stares at him strangely and replies, “H-hello?”
He says, “My name is Dave Spector. I’m a very famous person, you know.” She continues to stare at him blankly, without anything to say.
“I take it you’re a very adoring fan, aren’t you?” She brandishes her knife and slowly walks toward him, with a twisted grin on her face.
“W-what are you doing?” He asks nervously as he slowly backs away. Before he could turn around and run away, he feels the knife plunged into his chest and ripping out the side of him.
“Why are you d-doing this?” He asks weakly as Madotsuki stabs him again in the face to secure a quick kill.
She removes the knife from his skull and wipes the blade clean with her shirt.
Curious by the nearby cave entrance, she walks into it and finds herself in a small tunnel.
She sees Monoko standing nearby, with a blank expression on her face.
“Monoko!” She calls to her, but fails to get her attention.
She hears a small trinket hit the cave floor and looks down to find a stop light shaped flash light.
“Monoko? Are you feeling okay?” She asks, grabbing and turning on the light.
Suddenly, Madotsuki hears something block the cave door and Monoko suddenly starts convulsing.
Madotsuki watches in horror as Monoko’s left eye ruptures and starts dripping fluid while she screams as her elbows grow a new pair of arms.
Just when Monoko couldn’t get more repulsing to Madotsuki,
a lone hand starts emerging from her head.
Monoko lets out a hellish scream as she slowly lumbers toward Madotsuki.
“S-stay back!” Madotsuki yells as she equips her knife.
As Monoko doesn’t relent in her lumbering, Madotsuki aggressively stabs Monoko in the chest,
but Monoko doesn’t even flinch or blink from the blow, despite bleeding viciously from the chest.
Madotsuki lets out a terrified scream as Monoko grabs her.
She feels Monoko lick the side of her face, leaving thick disgusting saliva with a few bubbles.
“Get off!” Madotsuki screams as she pushes Monoko off of her and stabs her repeatedly to the face, but the blows do not stop her at all.
She drops her knife out of horror and starts cowering where the entrance once was.
“Madotsuki! Wake up; you’re having a bad dream!” a blurry Masada says to her as she suddenly jolts awake, with a terrified look on her face.
She softly whimpers as she holds onto him, sniffling and tearing up in the eyes.
“We have to go now. Try to not sleep in the car.” He says as he helps her out of the chair.
She runs to the bedroom to get her backpack and runs back towards the apartment door, still pink in the eyes.
“Ready.” She says, still shaken. Masada, curious about what she was dreaming,
asks as he grabs his suitcase from the kitchen table, “What were you dreaming about?”
She answers as he walks to the apartment door,
“Monoko turned into a zombie monster and, no matter what I did, I couldn’t stop her from trying to eat me!”
Masada, opening the door, says, “Again, try to not fall asleep in the car or at school. I don’t want to stop class to make sure you’re okay.”
She nods as she follows him out the door with her backpack.
The two, after locking the door, walk through the hallway, exit the building,
and walk towards his car, parked nearby.
Masada unlocks the doors and gets in with Madotsuki. He asks after starting the car and while pulling out of his parking spot,
“What would you like for dinner?”
She answers in a more calm tone, “Waffles.”
He shrugs his shoulders and replies, “Fair enough…”
as they exit the parking lot and begin the drive to the school building.

>> No.238   [Delete]   [Edit]

Once again, moar being dumped.
Chapter 10: Masada’s Classroom

Masada enters the teacher’s parking lot and pulls into his usual vacant spot.

As he turns off the engine, he says, “Here we are."
He and Madotsuki exit the vehicle and walk together into the school building.
The halls, usually bustling with people during the day, are barren and only the muffled sound of the receptionist’s typing can be heard from inside the nearby principal’s office.
Masada, with Madotsuki following him closely, walks down the hallway and takes a left into a different hallway, before stopping at a door labeled “132”.
He fiddles with his keys and unlocks the door. He opens the door and turns on the lights.
“Yup, I get to sit around for a solid twenty minute time span before the students come in for homeroom.
Then, the fifty minute classes and ten minute breaks begin.”
He says as he sets his briefcase onto the teacher’s table and opens it, revealing a small laptop, a few folders, and a binder, pencils and pens.
He takes out the items and turns on the laptop while Madotsuki stands nearby. She walks to a nearby seat and plops herself into it.
“Masada, it’s interesting to be at school before everyone else.” Madotsuki says in an interested tone,
“The halls are actually quiet, the floor designs are actually visible, and Sensei Oni isn’t here to ruin our days.”
The door opens and, lo and behold, Oni walks in, with a foul expression on his face.
“Masada, why is a student here before 7:20?” he asks as he sees Madotsuki.
“I’m currently her legal guardian for about two weeks. I figured that bringing in here this soon would save me a lot of trouble.” Masada replies, still working with his laptop.
“Bullshit, you brought her in here so we can have ourselves a fun toy to play with!” Oni says with a wry tone, causing Madotsuki’s eyes to widen and Masada to glower at him.
“Oni, if you touch her, I will be forced to kick your ass.” Masada says, cracking his knuckles.
Oni laughs, “Oh I see, you want her for yourself… typical Masada, always keeping things to yourself like a selfish asshole…”
Masada, with his face red with anger, says, “Get out of my classroom, Oni!"
Oni says in a casual tone, “Alright then, mister moral, I’ll stop having fun…”
He leaves the class room, winking at Madotsuki, as Masada lets out a painful groan.
“How do you work with that guy?” She asks, feeling filthy from Oni’s presence.
“Thankfully, he doesn’t show up more than once every few days.” Masada says, regaining his composure.
The clock now reads 7:16 and Madotsuki asks, “What should I do?”
Masada replies, “Just wait until the bell rings and then go to homeroom.”
A few minutes pass and Madotsuki, after hearing the bell ring, gets up from her place and walks out the door.
Masada thinks, “Time to start business” as his home room students start walking coming into the classroom.
Over two hours pass before Madotsuki walks into the Masada’s classroom again, this time with nineteen other students.
“Good morning, class. Let’s get started immediately.” He says in a tired tone.
The students equip their musical instruments while Madotsuki grabs her flute.
“Alright, let’s see how the flute players are doing…” He says, pointing to six students, including Madotsuki, with flutes.
The flute practice starts off smoothly until Madotsuki starts playing a few wrong notes halfway through the piece. Masada snaps his fingers to stop the music and walks over to Madotsuki.
“Madotsuki, you suddenly shifted into the key of D, please stay in C Major.” He says before going back to his desk.
The music restarts to the beginning and, this time, Madotsuki plays the correct tune.
“Excellent! Now, let’s here from the guitar players.” He says.
The sounds of strings play ever so gracefully in key of C Major, with the exception of one guy who didn’t tune his bottom strings right.
“Please tune your strings a bit more properly, or change strings if you need to.” He says.
As the minutes fly, the time is now 10:21 and class has been dismissed. Madotsuki asks, “Masada? How good did I play?”
He replies, “Aside from slipping into key of D, there wasn’t a problem.”
She smiles and says, “Waffles for dinner.” He nods and returns to his laptop.
She hugs him briefly before leaving the classroom and he closes his eyes, feeling a bit happier since the day started.
“Sadly, that was the good class… the 7th and 8th graders are horrible at music for some reason, no matter how much I help them…” He thinks as he looks into the clock.
The hours go by until noon, when Masada’s stomach starts rumbling.
He opens his desk and finds a pack of crackers and noodles. He shrugs his shoulders as he opens the pack of dry noodles and starts eating them.
After the noodles and crackers, he walks out of the classroom and starts drinking from the nearby fountain.
The janitor notices Masada and says, “You’re a lucky man to be with such a cutie.”
Masada rolls his eyes as he replies, “Yeah, she’s a real doll, alright.”
The janitor walks away as Masada walks back to the classroom.
The bell rings at 12:30 and the 10th grade students, including Monoe and Poniko, walk into his classroom to begin their music session.
As time passes some more between classes, the 3:30pm bell rings and, soon enough, Madotsuki enters the class room to hug her favorite teacher.
“Hello, sensei…” She says with a small amount of blush. Masada smiles slightly and replies, “Good day, Madotsuki…”She walks to a front row seat and sits in it with a tired look.
She never did realize how comfortable the seat was and slowly drifts off to sleep.
As she feels the whisking happen, she finds herself outside of the cave, standing next to Dave Spector.
“You know, little girl. I didn’t like what you did to me earlier today…” He says in a disgusted tone.
She rolls her eyes and, once again, equips her knife to deal with Dave.
“Not again!” He says as he feels the blade goes through his chest and up his neck, eventually leaving up the front of his skull.

>> No.239   [Delete]   [Edit]

This time, she looks around the cave and sees another entrance.
She walks into this newly discovered cave and sees that it leads to a big black void. She walks through it, surprised that she doesn’t just start falling forever, and sees Monoe in a good short distance.
Madotsuki, pleased to at least see someone else who has cared for her in the past, walks toward Monoe and says, “Hi, Monoe!”
Monoe turns around and, while an image of Monoe’s smile floods through Madotsuki’s system, vanishes without a trace.
When the image fades out, Madotsuki doesn’t see Monoe in front of her anymore.
“Huh?” Madotsuki thinks as she looks around to find Monoe to the cave entrance, standing still and smiling as usual.
“Monoe, are you feeling alright?” She asks, only for the same image to flood her vision and for Monoe to vanish again.
This time, Madotsuki doesn’t find Monoe anywhere nearby. “Fine then! Ignore your only other friend, you weirdo!” She yells, tired of Monoe’s constant teleporting.
She walks out of the cave and sees the gray suited man approach her.
“What do you want?” She asks in a very displeased tone.
“What’s your favorite season?” He asks in a curious tone.
“Winter, why?” She asks.
“I personally love fall.” He says, making Madotsuki suddenly fall through the floor and into a black void, similar to the cave Monoe was dwelling in.
She soon blacks out and eventually wakes up in a room with a large number of beds nearby.
“Where am I?” She thinks as she hears footsteps.
A toriningen walks out from a corner of a walkway and, as she sees Madotsuki in a bed, screams, “What the hell are you doing here?! Those beds are for my toriningen sisters!”
Madotsuki quickly climbs out of the bed and says, “Sorry…”
The toriningen says, “If my sisters find you here, they would shred you to pieces for resting in their beds!”
Madotsuki walks toward the south end of the room and sees a pile of blood accumulating from a hole in the wall.
“I wouldn’t go in there. Shelly and Marina are in there and they would not be happy at all to see you again; especially after what happened two months ago.”
The toriningen says with concern. Madotsuki turns around and says, “For a toriningen, you’re kind of polite…”
The toriningen replies, “Most of us just don’t have the patience to be polite for even our sisters. You could tell I’m an outcast amongst the others.”
Madotsuki says, “I appreciate you being polite.” The toriningen starts tearing up and says, “I just want to be loved!”
Madotsuki suddenly feels the toriningen wrap her arms around her and hears the toriningen softly cry.
Madotsuki, feeling a little bad for the toriningen, hugs her in return and says, “There, there…”
Suddenly, a closet to the distance opens up and two familiar toriningen, Alice and Marina, walk out from the open doors.
“Sally, you got her? I just figured you would cry yourself to sleep like always!” Shelly says with a laugh.
“Seriously, now hand her over, dipshit. You’re not going to take the credit for something we were originally assigned to do!” Marina says, pulling out a small pistol and pulling down the hammer.
“Madotsuki! Run for your life!” ‘Sally’ yells and, as Madotsuki begins running to the north, Marina fires several shots into Sally’s back, causing her to fall over.
Marina simply walks over and shoots Sally in the back of the head before saying, “Stupid bitch! You weren’t worth anything!”
Madotsuki, before running down the eastern corridor that hold the door out of here, looks in horror as the only friendly toriningen she had ever met,
Sally, just got gunned down by a pair of homicidal toriningen that only lusted for reward of Madotsuki’s capture.

>> No.240   [Delete]   [Edit]

Because it was still somehow too big
She snaps back into it and runs for the door when the toriningen stop paying attention to Sally’s body.
She opens the door and runs through it, not bothering to close it, as she runs eastward to a possible way out.
She soon finds a tunnel that leads north and sees the metallic door from before. “There’s my way out!” She thinks as she runs closer to it, only to see a bullet hit the side of it, ensuring the thought that her hunters have caught up with her.
“You go through that door, and you’ll be just like the key maker!” Marina smugly remarks as she reloads and cocks her pistol.
Cowering against the door, Madotsuki fears for the worst as the toriningen walks closer, step by step.
A voice calls out, “Hey, worm breath, go pick on someone your own size!” and a rifle blast was heard.
Marina looks in shock that her pistol had just shattered in half as she turns around to find Masada with a rifle in his hands.
Masada says as he readies another shot, “Take another step. I dare you.”
Marina yells, “Masada?! Are you breaking our pact of neutrality?”
Masada replies, “You never said anything about hunting Madotsuki. Leave now and you won’t find yourself dead again."
Marina spits on the ground as she shoves Madotsuki out of her way and opens the metallic door.
As the two toriningen walk out the door, Madotsuki rushes to Masada. “Sensei! I didn’t know you had a weapon!”
Masada simply says, “I do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
She suddenly feels the world around her start fading out of place and she slowly awakens at her desk.
She, after wiping any drool from her mouth, looks at the clock and sees it reading 4:53pm.
“Sensei? Will we leave soon?” She asks groggily. Masada replies, “In about five minutes or so. I need to finish something up.”
She sighs and, as five minutes slowly pass without any sleep, Masada successfully turns off his laptop.
He packs up his suitcase and says, “Alright, I’m ready to go.”
Madotsuki grabs her backpack and the two walk out of the classroom. After they walk out of the building, Madotsuki asks, “What kind of waffles will we have for dinner?”
Masada replies as they approach his car, “I figured we can use the frozen waffles at home.”
She starts salivating from the prospect of eating waffles with syrup, with Masada nearby to provide a nice person to talk with.
They both open the doors after Masada unlocks them and get in their seats.
He starts the car up and slowly backs out of his parking place. He exits the parking lot and makes a left turn after getting to the road.
Masada’s car was never that much of a high class vehicle. The car had red carpet, the speedometer read that he had over two hundred fifteen thousand kilometers,
the car speakers crackled a lot, and the door locking mechanisms wouldn’t automatically unlock for the two back doors of his car if he tried turning the key twice.
He continues driving down the road for a good twenty five minutes, with the occasional turn and stop for a red light.
He eventually reaches the apartment building and pulls into his usual spot.
He turns off the car and the two get out of the vehicle.
“That was quicker than the bus!” Madotsuki says as they grab their things from the car.
They close the doors and start walking towards the building. They soon enter and make a right turn to the first floor hallway.
Monoe and Poniko, standing outside of Monoe’s apartment, see the two walking by and greet them.
“Good day, Ladies.” Masada says as they walk by.
“I heard through the imaginary grape vine that you two are living with each other until Halloween.” Monoe says, getting Masada’s attention.
“Her parents are out of town for a business trip.” Masada replies as he stops in his tracks.
“Have you two done anything unmentionable yet?” Poniko says with a dirty smile.
“Knock it off, Poniko. It’s been a long day for us both and we just want to relax.” Masada says in an annoyed tone.
“Fine, have it your way.” She replies, turning her head the other way. Monoe says, “Just wanted to say, hope it goes well.”
Masada continues walking down the hallway until he reaches his door.
Madotsuki follows him as he unlocks the door and walks inside.
They walk into the living room and, after Madotsuki plops herself into the chair she always sits in, Masada walks towards the bedroom and says, “I’m going to change into something more comfortable.”
She nods quietly as she relaxes in the chair. Only a few brief moments later, Masada opens the door and walks out, wearing his black shirt and pants.
Madotsuki gets up from the chair and walks into the bedroom to change as well.
She takes off her outfit and, after closing the door and before putting on her clothes, walks into the bathroom naked with her afternoon clothes.
She looks at herself and sees blood slowly dripping again. She sighs as she cleans it up with some toilet paper and begins putting on her clothes.
A moment later, she looks into the mirror and smiles from the sight of her comfy pink shirt and dark pink skirt.
She soon walks out from the bathroom and climbs up onto the bed. She rests her head on a pillow and closes her eyes, anticipating the usual whisking.
“I hope to meet you again, my love; for soon, we may be together again.”

>> No.248   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1287096017258.jpg -(23.8 KiB, 186x190) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Chapter 11: Masada; you didn't, did you?

When the whisking stops, Madotsuki finds herself in her apartment room,
once again without the famicom in sight.
She walks towards the door when she sees a coin labeled, "509, 10-30-08, 15:23"
Assuming it to be another hint for a room she could visit during the specified time, she puts it into her pocket and opens the door.
The nexus of doors looked just as strange as it did the first time she ever saw it.
As she takes her first few steps, she hears a voice call out, "Hi Mado!"
She turns to her left to see a completely normal Monoko.
"Monoko! What happened this morning?! You turned into a zombie thing and tried to eat me!" Madotsuki says in a tense tone.
Monoko gives her a strange look and replies, "I don't recall something like that happening...
but I do recall blacking out as soon as you used that stoplight flashlight thingy."
Madotsuki asks, "Did anything hurt during your 'black out'?"
Monoko nods and replies, "Yeah, all the sudden my head and arms hurt, my eye felt like it was burning up,
and there was even this feeling like I was just stabbed in the chest with a knife..." Madotsuki eyes around, trying to stay quiet.
"So what's up, Mado?" She asks with genuine curiosity.
"Sensei Masada's going to make waffles for dinner." Madotsuki replies, already drooling a little.
"Sensei?! He couldn't cook a pack of ramen right to save his life,
and you try to trust him with waffles?!"
Monoko says, trying to hold back laughter. Madotsuki stays silent with a stern look on her face as she walks past Monoko.
"Bye, Mado!" Monoko says happily as Madotsuki walks through the pink door to the right.
"Now where am I?" She asks herself as she sees large pictures of Aztec creatures.
She walks towards the south for a good distance until she encounters a similar creature like the one back in the storage facility near Masada's spaceship.
She pets it on the head and lets it lick her hand. She giggles a little as it barks happily before she starts walking eastward.
After a little while, she finds a sewer hole. Not knowing any better, she opens it up and begins climbing down.
The sewer doesn't smell too bad, but nevertheless it is still unpleasant.
She takes a few steps forward and tries going the eastern path of two possible options, but soon encounters a large blob in the way.
Curiosity strikes again as she equips her knife and tries to stab blob, but it only jiggles and spawns a sad facial expression.
She turns around and tries the other way. After walking for a small bit, she enters a tunnel and finds herself going on a catwalk over some sewer water.
She continues her stride as she sees various creatures in the water, like a shadow man from the barracks or a strange green Uboa like creature.
Eventually, she enters another tunnel and enters a more sewer like area.
A faceless ghost catches her sight as she walks toward a large sickly green vat of water.
When she touches the ghost, she suddenly feels like she just absorbed something.
She shrugs it off and walks toward a northern tunnel entrance.
She finds herself in a long tunnel with dark holes in the walls.
A vision of a strange, demented creature floods her vision as she approaches a nearby hole, with each hole having its own creature vision.
She reaches the end of the tunnel and exits the sewers, only to be greeted by a gigantic red head with an open mouth.
The head doesn't seem to be able to move, according to how still it is.
Madotsuki slowly walks on its tongue and thinks, "Wow, this tongue is really soft. What kind of statue is this?"
Suddenly, before she could react, the mouth closes and she gets sent down the esophagus.
A moment later after closing her eyes and bracing for impact, she soon finds herself in a new world, without a clue where to go.
"I wonder if that pinching trick works here..." She thinks as she sharply pinches her cheek.
She immediately jolts awake and thinks, "That worked. Now, time to see what Sensei is up to."
She hops off the bed and walks out of the bedroom. She walks into the kitchen to find Masada at the microwave, about to cook some waffles.
"Hello, Sensei." She says warmly. "Oh hi. Just about to get this started." He replies while playing with the microwave.
Madotsuki feels a thought come to mind as she digs through her pocket to find, rather unsurprisingly, the coin from her recent dream.
"Sensei, I found another coin in my pocket. Are you sure you aren't putting things in there while I'm asleep?" She asks in a disturbed tone.
"Madotsuki, I assure you. I'm not doing anything of that sort." He says, finally starting the microwave.
She plops herself in a nearby chair as the microwave continues its noise.
After a few minutes, the microwave beeps and Masada takes out a plate of waffles, steaming and looking tasty.
He grabs some syrup from the cupboard and places it in the microwave. "Waffles are done. Syrup will be done in a little bit."
He says as he gets two glasses from a different cupboard.
A few more minutes pass, long after the syrup was done,
as Masada and Madotsuki sit down at the table with two glasses filled with milk along with two plates with a few waffles each.
A warm bottle of syrup is positioned between the two plates and two glasses.
Masada says, "You get to use the syrup first." Madotsuki smiles as she takes the syrup and squeezes out a huge blob onto her waffles.
She gives Masada the syrup and picks up a waffle with her fork.
She takes a big bite of the syrup coated waffle and smiles graciously. "Sensei?" She asks after swallowing her huge mouthful of waffle.
"Yes?" He replies as he cuts his waffle stack into hexagonal slices.
"What will you get for Monoe's birthday on Wednesday? She's going to turn 16."
Masada replies in a weird tone, "Monoe is... an interesting girl to say the least.
Unlike most teenage girls, she spends most of her time playing Quake multiplayer and talking with Poniko online.
I don't know what to get her besides more RAM or a hard drive that isn't from 1998."
Madotsuki asks, "Isn't her computer made in 2003?"
Masada replies, "Yeah, but she had to perform open heart surgery on it because her built in hard drive died and she didn't have anything else to work with. Space is a huge concern for her."

Last edited 10/10/14(Thu)19:51.

>> No.249   [Delete]   [Edit]
File: 1287096835181.png -(57 KiB, 514x685) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Madotsuki nods as she and Masada continue eating their waffles.
After a few minutes, Madotsuki pats her stomach softly and says, “That was amazing, Sensei.”
Masada, wiping his mouth clean, says, “Glad to see you happy.”
Madotsuki asks, “Masada, can we try doing something together?”
Masada says, “Sure, but what do you have in mind?”
Madotsuki looks into his eyes with a sultry look and says, “A little showering…”
Masada immediately shoots blood out of his nose and stares at her with a look of extreme disbelief.
“Buh… fuh… wuh…” He stammers as Madotsuki looks at him with concern.
“Sure, I g-guess?” He says as Madotsuki smiles. He walks to the bedroom with his eyes wide open as Madotsuki follows him.
He grabs his boxers and bathrobe and Madotsuki grabs her pajamas.
The two enter the bathroom and begin the rather awkward process of undressing.
Masada watches Madotsuki take off her shirt, skirt, bra, and panties quickly.
He stares at her smooth, featureless body.
He takes his shirt off along with, as Madotsuki starts to blush, his pants.
He slowly takes off his briefs to reveal his penis. Madotsuki, blushing a lot, looks at it and asks, “Is that a boy’s pee-pee, Sensei?”
Masada and Madotsuki enter the shower chamber and start the water.
She wraps her arms around his chest and nuzzles her face on it while Masada stands still and thinks, “I’m going straight to hell for this.”
She looks up at him and says, “Sensei…”
He raises an eyebrow at her as she says, “I love you…”
He stares at her and says awkwardly, “I… love you… too?”
She giggles and passes him the shampoo bottle.
He takes it and, before it could squeeze some out on his hand, Madotsuki asks, “Can you wash my hair, Sensei?”
He sighs and, after squeezing out a blob of shampoo on his hand, starts soaping up Madotsuki’s hair.
She moans softly as he gently rinses her hair out. “Sensei, do you really love me?” She softly asks as he pours out a blob for himself.
“I really do… but it just seems so wrong for me to be here with you, in the nude.” Masada replies, causing Madotsuki to suddenly show a strange facial expression.
“What’s so wrong about us?” She asks as she cuddles up to him, resting her head on his upper torso.
He looks at Madotsuki as she plops herself against the chamber floor and starts to feel around her vagina.
“Sensei, why does it sting when I rub myself down there?” She asks with a look of pain.
Masada plops himself against the wall on the floor.
“Does it also ti-“ He says before Madotsuki suddenly crawls onto his lap and kisses him on the mouth.
“Shh.” She says as she backs from his mouth. Masada closes his eyes as he places his hands on her back.
She lets out an adorable moan as she rests her head on his shoulder.
“Masada… let me be yours…” She softly speaks, trying to hold back barely noticeable tears of joy.
He reopens his eyes and says, “Shall I?” He asks in a soft tone.
She backs away from him and nods slowly. Masada grabs his penis and slowly inserts the head into Madotsuki’s vagina.
She yelps and groans in pain, but she affirms to him, “Don’t stop… keep going, my love…”
He finally reaches a stopping point and Madotsuki starts slowly rising up and down.
The pleasure and pain is beyond her imagination.
“Sensei! I… I…” She stammers before Masada says, “I can’t hold on… much longer…”
He pulls out quickly and climaxes onto Madotsuki’s vagina.
She rests herself on Masada as the two lovers enjoy the warm water raining down on them.
The moment was just so precious as she closes her eyes and rests on his body, worn out from their ‘experience’.
Suddenly, Masada opens his eyes and realizes what he had done.
He thinks as he enters a state of panic, “I just screwed the man’s girl… I am so dead…”
Madotsuki opens her eyes and looks at Masada’s panicked expression and asks, “Sensei, what’s wrong?”
He gets up, pours some shampoo onto his head, quickly scrubs, quickly rinses, and turns off the water.
He exits the shower and says, “Let’s just say, I got back to my senses a little too late.”
She walks out of the shower and says, “But what happened back there was magical! Please don’t abandon me, Sensei…”
She hugs him, while he says, “I know… “ They both dry off with the two towels nearby and, after a few minutes, put on their night clothes.
Masada, dressed in his boxers and bathrobe,
and Madotsuki, dressed in her pink pajamas,
exit the bathroom, holding hands, as they get on the bed to relax.
As she snuggles up to him, he says, “How did it feel, by the way?”
She replies, “It was so amazing…”
He looks at the alarm clock on the end table that reads 8:59. Masada says, “I say it’s about time we pack up early tonight.”
He notices that Madotsuki is already asleep and gently pulls the covers over her.
He takes off his bathrobe and, after remembering that the apartment door is locked, pulls the covers over himself.
“Good night, Madotsuki.” He says gently as he closes his eyes. Meanwhile, in Madotsuki’s head, she finds herself in her apartment room.
She walks to the door and thinks, “Time for, yet, another journey.”

>> No.250   [Delete]   [Edit]

First review on FF.net...

...and my evening ended on a low note. Criticism has been noted... but damn what a rough first review.

>> No.251   [Delete]   [Edit]

and then masada was knifed and his dick cut off

Delete Post [] Password
Report Post(s) to Staff