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460241 No.181   [Delete]   [Edit

Howdy, /lit/. I plan to write a full-length story on Yume Nikki some time in the near future; problem is, I'm not very experienced with writing. Thus, I figured it would be prudent to hone my skills here first. Any critique would be very much appreciated.
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squeak
...
squeak
...
squeak
...
These are the only sounds that permeate the maddening silence of my chamber. I suppose I shouldn't complain, considering that there are, undoubtedly, far worse places to be in this twisted world; places of torment and despair, places where minds are twisted and hopes shattered.

But why? Why would anyone create such a place?

This was the question that I asked myself, time and time again, and yet answering it would do me no good. In the end, all the wisdom in the world could never remove me from my place, here, rubbing this cold, steel handrail.
.
.
.
Hm? Footsteps?
.
.
.
Yes, those footsteps can only belong to one person.

A girl enters the chamber, the aperture though which she entered closing behind her. She begins to make her way up the stairs, disregarding the creature beside her.

"So you're back again?"

"..."

"Don't pretend you can't hear me, Madotsuki, I know that this world is just as real to you as it is to me."

"..."

She was nearing a door at the end of the hallway. The beast chuckled as it continued stroking the rail.

"Of course, we could just disregard the two-story tall metaphor in the room."

Madotsuki stopped, deciding that the creature might have something interesting to say. If it could smile, then it probably would.

"Why don't you sit for a moment, dear? I never get any company, besides when you barge in."

Madotsuki takes a seat on the topmost stair, folding her skirt beneath her to make herself comfortable on the cold concrete.

"You know, I have been doing a lot of thinking, seeing as how that is the only thing that I can do to pass the time. In the course of all this thinking, I have come across a very difficult question, which I hope you could answer."

"..."

"Would you kindly tell me why you are here, instead of out there, in what you call the real world?"

"..."

"It's amazing what you can tell about a person by looking at their dreams, and after inhabiting yours for the past two years, I'm afraid I must say that I'm thoroughly disturbed. You're here because you think you need us, aren't you?"

Madotsuki scowled at the creature.

"And yet despite your stony, emotionless facade, you still have got to be the most pathetic individual that I will ever meet."

Outraged, she stood up and drew her knife.

"You've suffered, and instead of doing anything reasonable about it, you have instead condemned yourself to even more suffering by imprisoning yourself here."

Her grip around the handle of the knife intensified, her fingernails digging into her palm and causing blood to trickle down her knuckles.

"There are people who cared about you, and still do, and instead of going to them, you had to curl up into your bed and die. Yes, that is what you are, dead; dead to everyone who ever knew you."

Madotsuki lunged at the creature, embedding the knife in its soft flesh, but it continued.

"And so now, here you sit, a goddess in your own hell, preying on the spawn of your mind, trying to inflict as much agony on them as your kind did to you."

She gave up on trying to harm it, and instead made a beeline for the door.

"Go ahead, you know what happens when you open that door; you've done it dozens of times, and when you leave here and wake up, you will still be as much of a wretch as you were when you came here. I can only hope that anything that I have told you will get through to what little bit of a person there is inside you."

"FUCK. YOU." She screamed.

Madotsuki slammed the door behind her, and that was the end of their brief conversation.

Last edited 10/09/07(Tue)20:49.



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