>>194

Thanks for the input!

Here's another one. Just a little something I wrote pretty quickly today.

It seemed that winter had decided to arrive early in Tokyo this year. It was so cold outside that Masada partly just wished he could stay inside all day and not bother with anything. He’d never been a fan of cold weather or even of the winter season in general. It was too expensive. Christmas celebrations, New Years celebrations, clothes that could prevent him from being frozen to the core by the cold winds… And of course, the cost of keeping his apartment warm. All those were things that he simply couldn’t afford. Of course, he only truly had himself to blame for that.

However, this year would be different. This year he had something important that needed to be done. Something to focus on.

Madotsuki.

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Wow, I never thought that I'd find your literate on Uboachan! I found it on Fanfiction today and was awestruck. Your writing is so cute it makes me giggle!

You might recognize my username, or you may not. I believe I actually sent you a message on there earlier, actually.

I hope to see more writing soon!

He hasn’t played a lot of games before, but after a few minutes, Masada can conclude that NASU isn’t a very good or very fun game. The graphics are pretty ugly with an unappealing color scheme, the music sounds awful and it’s oh so subtly off beat by merely a fraction of a second or two. He can easily tell. He hasn’t spent so much time and energy on music for nothing. But despite all that, the thing Masada dislikes the most about NASU is how incredibly stiff the controls feel. It’s almost ridiculous. There are two things one does in this game; jump and move in two directions. Nothing more, nothing less. So how is it possible for the controls to feel so incredibly stiff and unresponsive when the general concept is that simple?

Masada might not have played many games before, but he’s pretty sure that none of them had controls as bad as these.

Lost in his thoughts, he misjudges the distance between the player controlled character and the falling eggplant on the screen, just barely misses it and before he knows it, that agonizing game over music plays again.

A sigh accompanied by the subtle flexing of long pianist fingers.

He exhales, focusing on the screen and the Famicom controller in his hands. He forces himself to not get distracted by the sound of Madotsuki shuffling around somewhere, probably in the kitchen.

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>>196

Ah, thank you very much, dear! I'm happy to hear that people enjoy these silly little things.

His breath caught in his throat – he stared out the vast window into the milky way as best he could. One night, one cold, horrible, lonely night, he took her here once, without even leaving Earth. Was it the right thing for him to have done?

Small, perfect steps roused him. Was it- A pair of arms were around his waist, and a slight head against his middle back. He knew that body, that way those arms just barely reached his stomach all the way around.

She’d come back from the never-dead. No words were ever spoken between the two of them, had ever been spoken. His black hand stroked her pink arm, and he could feel her skin beneath the jumper. Eyelids slid shut while lips became a smile.

The arms released his body, but not before he held her hands – just for that second. He felt so happy he could weep. As he let go, he spun around and knelt down to her height in the same fluid motion. His right eye glanced all around her lower body.

Her eyes bored into his left, the one eye he could keep still. They began to breath the same air with an identical rhythm. His hands held her head in place as his mouth moved, from her jugular, to behind her ear, and finally to her lips.

Soft, they were so soft, as if they were a precious creature, vulnerable to the slightest change. Forehead rested against forehead; thoughts mingled together in a strange dance. A hand pulled an elbow while he struggled with his sight.

Hands, hands slid down his body and up under his skivvy. Other hands – his own hands – were freeing brown hair from its plaited prison. She held onto his neck in a death grip. He picked her up around the waist.

Bedroom. Sheets. Jumper, skivvy, hair ties, pants, skirt, briefs, bra, undies. Ivory skin on peach. Pink lips on white. Agony then ecstasy. Snowflakes falling around a rose bud. Tongues, not of fire, but of humans desperate for love.

Finally, after so very long, they were one once more. Her head was nestled against his neck as she slept peacefully. He couldn’t help but smile, and his fingers stroked along that brown hair he so loved. Everything was at peace, but he had a ship to fly.

And I'm done! Being a massive art nerd myself, I didn't want the sex scene to arouse, but to show it as a precious moment between lovers.
Masada's a music nerd, and music nerds are my brethren.
Please tell me if the entire thing sounds pretentious. D:

edit: Just fixing up character glitches. Ergh...

Last edited 10/09/24(Fri)02:48.

>>176
Thank you.

It is the 1 year anniversary of my writing journal and I just filled the last page. They last a while!
They are also great conversation starters. wink wink nudge nudge

If you go out and get one, I really do stress putting some effort in choosing what you want wisely. my writing journal was originally a book of shadows, 15$ black hardcover with a gold ankh on the front. I do not regret using it for this purpose at all. My next writing journal will probably be leather-bound or hardcover again. I will take a while to shop for it (but not too long! can't wait on writing down the ideas).

If you use any of the tips for ideas and post them here, please post links to them in this thread also. I would like to see what I helped start... (:

where do you guys search for buying your journals?

I know a friend that got hers handmade, wood covering, leather spine. beautiful handiwork - it was simple yet held sincerity and sentimentality.

if I find some good places on the 'net, I will post them here also.

Last edited 10/09/07(Tue)16:36.

I might do a writing journal. But I'd probably do a personal private blog type or something since computers are closer to me that a book or something. I wouldn't take the time to write something out.

>>183
That's perfectly fine, as long as you're writing somewhere.

You could get a private Lj, or something, yeah.

>>135
I had felt more like it was Monoe narrating it. I felt a hint of jealousy as if everyone loved Monoko more.

But I guess it's up the the reader to decide? (Unless 13 wants to point it out.) Regardless very good work.

Aa. I want to read your new work now..

>>137
Well, it could've been either Monoe or Madotsuki. I leaned towards Madotsuki because the knife seems to be more her attribute than Monoe's. Although like the game, this story is also up to the reader's interpretation because the exact truth is never quite said. :3

>>136
I'll edit this with a critique/opinion later once I read, I need to get back to my own writing that I'm procrastinating on, lol

Last edited 10/08/26(Thu)10:46.

>>137
>>140
The thought of Monoe with the knife is an interesting one. Maybe I'll do something with that at a later point in time.

Part two on the way guise. I got loaded with work hours and have 4 other projects I'm doing.

DDDD:

Have a continuation, because I lost the page it was on and had to rewrite it. Suddenly, melodrama.
EDIT: Herp derp, forgot the tripcode. Literally.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'
Inky blackness pooled around Poniko's feet, the blond letting out a heavy groan; There were no bloodstains on the girl's carpet, nor her clothing. She dusted away her body, stretching out her slender frame with an arch of the back; Dying was always an uncomfortable experience. A warm smile managed to cross Poniko's features as her senses started to awaken; She wrapped her arms around her slight frame, waiting to be able to feel again as the taste of fatigue and gore that filled filled her mouth, the smell of dust filling her nostrils. Her next sense to come was sight, and as her eyes cracked open she immediately noticed the complete wrongness of the environment around her; Her walls were soaked in black, trimmed in the white of odd, inversed light. Poniko's heart started thudding against her chest as her touch came back, a thick inky blackness having crawled through her clothing, now teasing it's way along her stomach. A few tears managed to slip past her normally stoic defenses, her piercing crystal eyes quickly covered along with the rest of her body, the torpid screaming finally piercing through her lingering hearing as the beast dragged her into it's shifting mass.
Darkness. Darkness and wet. Poniko gasped, sucking in a sudden breath as the black around her shifted from her mouth, allowing her a quick breath; It didn't want her dead, atleast not yet. The overwhelming dread of her capture mingled with something fully alien with her existence at the moment; Silence. Not a fine, intimate silence, but instead a cloying, strangling entropy that made it impossible to grunt, much less to speak; She wasn't sure if she was simply dead, taken away, or completely snuffed from existence, sent to a graveyard for unthought thought, undone ideals and rotted dreams. The pondering was ended as a stifling burst of air rushed from her lungs, nearly catching her off guard as much as the heavy probe slamming into her stomach and winding her. Madotsuki's dreams were unlike others; In a way, each creature had a life of it's own. The fact asserted itself with a sudden, almost strangling tug on Poniko's throat, facing her upwards. A sickening spaciousness slid from her shoulder, and a terrifying lurch made her look over; The view of her sweatshirt was blocked by a familiar pair of brown, twinned braids, the profile nuzzling it's chin against her body.

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Last edited 10/08/27(Fri)19:55.

>>65
...Why haven't you posted them yet? D:

well then, via request. i'll put up the sequel to it, the first time i ever tried to write tentical rape.

“AAAAAA”
oh god.
“AAAAAA”
no.

What ever it was in a blink of an eye Poniko had turned into this blob of black…of black…I don’t know what that thing was all I could tell is that it had a terrifying face and it was coming towards me. Adeline rushed though me scrambling to the other side of the room, that thing blocking my exit as it moved with a slow painful scream. Trying to avoid that thing tried darting around it. I tried. Something already had me in its grasp the darkness of the room pinning me down and working its inky tendrils against me. All I could focus on what that thing coming towards me face so indescribably petrifying. I didn’t realise how my binds where eating away at my clothes. I shuddered as it engulfed my legs struggling as hard as I could though gritted teeth, my arousal not gone but replaced with fear. It stopped maybe an inch or two away from my crotch, and it seemed to look down at me waiting, I looked up at that thing for an eternity panting and tearing up before regretfully saying
“No”

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same for my crotch. God knows three, four maybe in each of my holes. I was completely numb. I orgasmed every few minuets, I had passed over the edge and couldn’t even make a sound, I was barely aware of what was happening.

The only thing what made me snap back into reality was when it stopped, and shuddered. It came into me, it spurted out my mouth as I tried to swallow in hope that I wouldn’t choke on it. White, burningly hot cum covered every inch of me, it filled my insides to the brim. It with drew from be but the tentacles in my crotch and it waited.

Within the blink of an eye the lights where back on and Poniko was covering my entrance. She had scotch tape in the other hand, fuck.

i don't whant to clog everything up so here's your porn on FF.
http://login.fanfiction.net/story/story_preview.php?storyid=6089071&chapter=1

Hey, I found your story on ff.n
Just to tell you...I was so happy when I saw that you linked it from here as well :)

My first fanfiction.
I just put a name if I wanted to post more stories.

I LOVE IT
♥ ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥

ONE THING I NOTICED:
"There was a giant whole in Monoko's stomach."
SHOULDN'T IT BE
"There was a giant hole in Monoko's stomach."
REGARDLESS

I REALLY LIKE YOUR WRITING STYLE
IT'S CLEAN AND TO THE POINT I THINK

Last edited 10/08/09(Mon)19:29.

>>111
DERP DERP. YES IT IS.
I can't spell.
AND THANKS.
Pretend I know how to do unicode hearts and that they are all over this message.

>>112
I forgot my name.
I'm so out of it today.

>>97
I put a slash there. "easy to relate with" going with well known because he's a scare archetype 8T

Also, yes, bring writers that would be great!

well, i'll try it. don't know what it's going to be like.

I wrote one about Mado getting the stoplight effect from Shitai. Does that count?

http://toxic-toothpaste.deviantart.com/#/d2v961h

I shalt partake in this. Prepare for my horrible fanfic/interpretation of Mado.

What I do is just write an outline for the story's chapters so that each chapter connects clearly. This also helps to see where the plotline is going and where to throw the twists. Then after that, I lightly outline each of the chapters and the contents. Not too in-depth, but just enough so that once you start the writing, you know where to go. From there, you can flesh out the chapters as you write them and decide where to hide plot devices and twists. As you add them, make sure to append your outlines to remember where the devices/twists end up revealing themselves if you have a lot of them.

Too much outlining I've found is detrimental to the writing process, because writing the exact same thing twice kills motivation.

If clarity is an issue, grab a friend and force them to read your writing. Simple feedback such as "This is too vague" or "I don't understand" can be crucial, because as the author, everything makes sense to you. If someone pinpoints something and helps explain why they're confused, you start to learn how to avoid making things too contrived. There is a difference between contrived and veiled, the dividing line is thin though. Takes a bit of practice to grasp that.

As for editing, you are your best editor. You know where your mistakes are and how to fix them in the best way that compliments your writing. Just don't edit directly after you finish writing. In my opinion, I've found that you lose motivation because reading the same thing twice is tedious. Give your eyes a break, come back to it after a couple hours, watch a movie, play a video game. As you edit more, you get better at spotting your errors and sometimes catch your errors as you write them.

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